My pause in posting started as a mini experiment to see how I would handle stress and emotion without this place to filter them through. Then things got a bit crazy with my family and I was out of the habit of writing… I have been trying to figure out the best way to break back into the habit of writing, I honestly doubt I will go back to posting every day, but I am hoping for a few times a month.
At first, I must admit, my little experiment proved to be difficult. Things in my head spiraled more than I expected. There were moments I was not sure I was ready to stop using this space for any period of time, but in the end I think it was good decision. It helped me to see how much I really have grown and gave me a chance to explore some new ways to spend my time.
I know I have far to go. The ache still comes back, usually just for a moment, but long enough to be recognized. I wish conversations of the past would stop running through my head and fade away. Thankfully all these negative moments are few and fleeting. Someday, I still hope they will truly disappear.
As I write this I am on the eve of a dreaded day. I am scared to fall asleep, because I know when I wake up it will be tomorrow. This two-year “almost anniversary” came so much faster than expected. I wonder how many years it will be before I no longer dread February. Although tomorrow will not be my most favorite of days, I know that taking it one step at a time and facing each wave of emotion head on will get me though alright.
Tomorrow might be difficult, but I have survived much worse than anything the day could throw at me. So here’s to hoping to a good nights sleep and facing the day strong.
Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.
a stronger me everyday 