Clean Sheets

There is nothing like that first sleep on clean sheets. If I could I would change the sheets on my bed everyday. I am aware this is a slightly unrealistic concept, but I will be honest, there have been a few times that I have changed my sheets after a stressful day just so I could have one bright spot in my day.

The smell and softness of clean sheets makes me so happy. I do not even mind folding sheets because I think it helps to lock in that clean feeling. In the summer I like to hang my sheets outside so they can dry in the fresh air and sunshine. Somehow the sun changes everything about the way sheets feel.

I am aware that this is a rather odd post. The reality is that this week has been a bit crazy but I changed my sheets today, so all is alright with the world. Sometimes it really is the small things that make all the difference.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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In the mix.

Today was non-stop. It slowly untangled leaving me hopeful for an ok tomorrow, but nothing is ever set in stone. As I write this I have the Princess Bride playing in the background in honor of its 30th anniversary and a cat pinning my arm down making typing an interesting experience. Over all, today was a good day, because I never had a chance to stop and let my mind get the best of me.

I wish I could write inspirational posts every day, but the truth is that is not always possible. There are some days that the words flow with such ease and I am able to articulate my emotions. On the opposite side, I just try to write something that makes sense. Someday I hope I can look back on the scattering simple rambling posts like this one and remember that there were some good days in the mix of tears, pain, and frustration.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Stress.

Stressful weeks tend to bring out memories I would rather forget. Of course this has the negative effect of adding more internal stress to the situation. After the first three days of this week I am already done, the sad thing is that the last two have the potential to be even worse. I know everything will get done, one way or another it always does, what I fear is how difficult it will be.

I wish I could stay home tomorrow, but that is not an option. Hopefully I will get a good nights sleep, wake up ready to attack the day and leave the stress behind me. Someday I am sure the painful memories of past will stop influencing the present with such force, for now I will simply have to learn to separate the reality from the memories and get stuff done.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Dreading February.

February will mark one year of this emotional roller coaster I have been on. Every day is one step closer to February and I find myself dreading it more and more. My solution to the dread is simple yet still undefined. I have decided that I need to plan an adventure to hopefully replace some of the dread with excitement.

No matter what I do, or where I am, February 11 will not be an easy day, but that does not mean I should hide in the corner and let it consume me. It is simple enough to have and idea, it is the execution I have yet to figure out. I want to do something memorable that gets me out of my comfort zone. I really want this to be a unique experience that overshadows all my negative feelings toward February.

I have a few ideas that I am starting my research and see what is possible. With that being said, if anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them!

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Tired of being tired

If you see a zombie wandering around, it might be me. I have almost reached a month of not enough sleep. I have no problem with the actual sleeping, more an issue of falling asleep. At first I thought it was just a fluke and would pass, now I just want it to go away. The last time I had problems sleeping it was due to an irrational fear of endings. Even as I was dealing with it I knew it was a silly fear, yet no matter what I did it stayed for quite a while. Currently, I am clueless as to what is causing my inability to fall asleep. Whatever it is, can stop any time.

 

Although I can not pinpoint an exact cause, I do have a few theories. Probably my issues stem from a combination of stress and over thinking. Sometimes I put so much pressure on myself to feel better and stronger I forget that these things take time. I wish I could wiggle my nose and make so many changes, but I know that is impossible. At times I feel spread so thin I am not sure what I should do and I never seem to achieve as much as I would like. All around me I see people moving forward and gaining speed with their lives, and here I sit still so unsure.

I have found that after I write a post about a problem my brain somehow finds a way to reach a state of equilibrium. My fingers are crossed that writing this post will have a similar effect, because let me tell you, I am so tired of being tired.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Race day.

img_2432Last year the Ridgewalk and Run was the first race I ran as an adult. I trained for it and worked hard to prepare myself. My then fiancé and some friends had a great day on the course and spending time with each other. This year I was not well prepared and I now have a growing pile or race bibs to prove it was not my first race. But the weather was beautiful, I still had a friend to race with and joke about our shared goal of reaching the end so we could eat.

It is crazy the difference a year can make. There are times I want to be irrationally angry, jump up and down screaming, but really what good will that do? True, without the past my life would be so very different, but that does not mean better. There are many experiences that I had because I was with him that I know make me better and will hopefully continue to be a positive thread through my life. Although it is difficult to look past all the negativity and hurt, it is always worth it because it gets me one step closer to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A quiet day.

There are days that I would love to get a lot done, today was not one of those days. I woke up so snuggly and warm I had no desire to get out of bed, eventually I did drag my self up and was productive. My plan was to go for a short hike today and I did eventually get out on the trail but I did not do much hiking. In fact, I doubt I did more than a mile.

What I did was relax. I set up my hammock, wrote in my journal, read, and enjoyed the sound of the waterfall in the background. I was not directly off the trail so on a quiet day like today this spot was empty. I wish the weather had been just slightly warmer, because after about an hour and a half I was cold so I decided to pack up. I am sure I should have done a few more miles, but I was so relaxed I just hiked back along the water to my car.

I am sure I should have done more. There is laundry to be folded and cleaning that should have been done. The list goes on and on, but I regret nothing because sometimes lazy days like this help to balance out the insane ones. Over all I did get a few things done today that I needed to and sometimes a little goes a long way.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A short week.

What is it about short weeks that feel so long. Despite today being a productive day, time seemed to go backward. One thing I am happy about is despite the not so fun week, I managed to not have much of a break down. In the past when I am tired and frustrated my emotions go out of control and I can not help but cry. My hope is that this weekend will be a chance for me to rest and reset for the upcoming week. To be honest I am not looking forward to what next week might be, but I refuse to give in to a potential bad week before it starts.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Cold and dreary.

Today was a day made for cuddles. The weather is slowly turning cold and the leaves are changing. This week has been filled with on and off rain that makes everything seem dreary. All I want to do is stay home and read, watch movies and move as little as possible. Sometimes I wish I was a bear and had an excuse to hibernate all winter long.

Unfortunately, I had to get up and go to work. In between the things that had to be done there were a few stolen moments of cuddling with my cats, which is one of my favorite ways to pass the time. In fact as I type this one cat is purring while holding an arm down making typing slightly challenging, the other is laying on my legs. Somehow they always know when I am a little down in the dumps and need some extra attention. I don’t care what you say about cats, my girls are amazing little creatures and I would not want to be without them.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

First.

Tonight was movie club night! We watches “Potiche”, and it was amazing. I love being introduced to movies that I have never seen before. This film was a French movie that was based in the late 1970’s. It is about a trophy wife who finds her way off the shelf and into the heart of her community. She proves not only to herself but to her family exactly what she is capable of.

While I was at the theater I took advantage of pre-sale Star Wars tickets! Apparently, I was the first ticket they sold in the first three days they have been available. I think I will take it as a complement, instead of a statement to my insanity. I am excited to have an epic movie day with friends and watch the entire series before the main event of “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”. There may be some controversy over what order to watch the series in, but I am sure a compromise will be met.

img_2281When “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” came out two years ago I had a list of people I was buying tickets for. There was a whole group of us that went to the first showing of the movie together, it was a fun evening. This time it was just a single ticket for me, but I am still fortunate to have two friends to go with.

Sometimes, it still hits me how different many things are, yet other things remain the same. I feel so fortunate for the strong friendships I am building and that some of them are as crazy as I am. Afterall, everyone needs a little crazy in their lives.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.