My dad the athlete.

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When my brother and I were little my dad did not have many of his sports awards out. I never remember seeing his high school or college letters as a kid, and there were not medals on wall or framed newspapers of amazing achievements. The only thing I remember was a plaque hanging in a shadowed corner from when he won, and set a record for long jump at states his junior year of high school.

Through the years we heard stories of the kind of athlete he was and how much he achieved. When I was in elementary school he was inducted into his college’s sports hall of fame and we watched him coach through the years. So a part of us knew, but it was never hung all around us like a goal we were meant to reach.

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As an adult I have seen the patches, awards and news paper clippings. While flipping through it once I asked him why he never had any of it out. His response was simple. He never wanted to put pressure on my brother and I to be athletes. He never wanted his achievements to looming over us like an unescapable shadow.

At the moment my sports awards are out and hanging proudly on the wall. I worked hard for each of my patches and pins and it is nice to be reminded what can be achieved with a little bit of skill and hard work. But someday if I have kids they will go away. I will put them in a box and store them so I am never a shadow for them to escape. After all, I know how much that meant to me.

Happy Father’s Day.

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Plans.

When I go for runs I have to remind myself that going faster does not move the mile marker any closer. No matter how fast or slow I go a mile is a mile. I think this is a concept that is important to carry through to other parts of our lives. Too often we think if we hurry here or there, get this or that faster it will help us achieve a goal sooner than we expect. Unfortunately that is very rarely true. In fact the opposite seems to occur more than not. Our desire to move forward and achieve our goals sometimes leads us down the wrong path making our achievements more difficult and our goals further away than before.

The plan is already in motion. God already has us working in the correct direction long before we know what we want. I know sometimes that is difficult to understand and wrap our heads around, but it does not change the truth. In the end every ache and pain, tear and sleepless night will be worth it. His plan is better than yours.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Breath.

Today it took everything I had today to not come home from work and go to bed. I feel like I held my breathe for weeks and now I can finally breath. There is still plenty on my plate and I know I will continue to be busy over the next few weeks, but hopefully the worst is over. There is a whole world of changes coming my way, but for now I will enjoy this chance to breath and catch up on some sleep.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A jumble.

A part of me never stopped moving today. So much happened in a short period of time I could barely keep up. Good things, bad things and somewhere in-between things. It was a jumble and a very strange day. I am so very thankful that it is now time to go to bed, because I am not sure how much more I could have taken. One more day and I can sleep, relax and hopefully feel a little more caught up on life.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Piles and lists.

The truth is that sometimes you have to feel the world crumble around you before you can be strong enough to begin to pick up the pieces. I have learned this lesson to varying degrees over the years, but some how it never sticks. At the moment the crumbling feeling is not so much a falling apart, but more of a not sure where to start. The list is growing faster than I can keep up. Every time I think I am on the verge of catching up  one more thing is added to the bottom.

I guess being busy is better than having nothing to do, but I think I would be ok if I could hit a middle ground at some point soon.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

At ease.

Lately there is no shocking pain when I think about him. These moments are rare and confuse me when they happen because it seems too soon to feel at ease. Then I remember it has been almost a year and a half since that awful day. I no longer remember exactly what he looked like or what it felt like to hold his hand, but at times I still wonder what life would have been like with him. Words can not express how glad I am some of the pain is dissolving and I know in time very little will be left. Maybe now I can begin to wonder with more clarity what life will hold instead of what it has taken away.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

For me.

This evening I took time for me. I got home from work and took a nice walk in the sun, got something to eat and relaxed in my hammock to write a letter. It was a lovely way to spend the evening. True, I am just as behind as ever with chores and other parts of life. But tonight I was the priority, and I feel more refreshed because of that decision. Tomorrow, I will most likely have to face up to my responsibilities, but I will face that tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.