Treading water.

Why exactly do people call it moving on. I feel like all I am doing is treading water. Some days are good and I am not struggling to breath, but other times it all too much to handle. Some days the water is so rough it takes all I can to not be swept under. Other times I am the one making it difficult to stay up. It is like I am testing my own limits and getting a little stronger and more confidant with each struggle.

I am sure in time the water will feel smooth and I will be willing to take a great leap of faith and move forward, until then I will continue this strand dance I am in with the water. Who knows, maybe someday someone will tell me to put my feet down, I’ll touch the ground and feel like a fool for struggling for nothing.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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Monday blues.

Today was a true Monday. Full of a not so fun workday and the anticipation of an interesting week. There were a few moments today that I simply wanted to throw my hands up in the air and have someone else deal with it all. I really hate days like this and am so grateful when they are over.

Many times today I told myself that it could be worse and I did my best to look on the bright side. As we all know this is not always an easy task. All in all it was a productive day that ended with a few small successes and hopefully a good jumping off point for a reasonable rest of the week. Time will tell.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A trio of women.

I was feeling very lonely a while ago, but it feels like in the blink of an eye I have a people coming out of the wood work. Well, maybe that is over exaggerating a little, but I am excited none the less. I have been so very blessed by this amazing trio of women that have been making me feel so wonderful. Each I met in different ways and at different times in my life.

One is an old friendship that never truly stopped, but lately we have been communicating more and more. Thank goodness for social media! We meet long ago as teenagers and have reconnected a few times over the years, but lately I feel like we have rekindled what we once had long ago. I hope that our stream of communication continues and our friendship grows

The next is an amazing girl that I have not known for long but we were instant kindred spirits. I met her for a little over a year, and what a year it has been. In that time we both planned weddings, and fortunately hers had a wonderful outcome. We drifted apart because of busyness and uncooperative schedules, but lately we have been making plans and chatting. I am thankful to have her in my life once again.

Last but never least, is a new acquaintance that I met through a friend. She is the fiancée of a guy I feel like I have known forever. She recently moved to the area and I think she appreciates my craziness. We both have a love of movies and are creative people. We have a few things in the works and I hope we continue to build a lasting friendship.

Each of these women are so unique and bring out different strengths in me. I am so very thankful and grateful that they have come into my life and are willing to put up with me. I hope the future holds more time together, lots of conversations and more fun then we ever knew was possible.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A magical place. 

I woke up miserable today. It took pretty much all morning for me to feel human again. But even with the rough start it turned out to be a wonderful day spent with old friends and new. 

This weekend I am at ladies retreat at the campground I grew up on. There are two things I look forward to each year. The auction, and taking off Saturday for lunch and shopping with my mom and friends. It was a fun escape and way to spend time together. 

After shopping and lunch, most of the afternoon was spent watching a friend hand crochet. I have many creative talents, anything with yarn is not one of them so I was mesmerized watching her work. Somehow, I ended up walking away with a hat and matching scarf. Hopefully it will be a while before I need them, but I will be excited to wear them when the time comes. 

Camp is always a magical place. It has been great to spend time here this weekend. 

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

To sleep tonight. 

I can not wait to go to sleep tonight. It has been one of those weeks that all I want to do was sleep. Unfortunately, this weekend will not be quite as restful as I had hoped, but it will still be a great weekend. 

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Equilibrium.

My temper has been short all day. All I wanted to do was get home so I could save everyone else from an oncoming explosion. Somehow I made it through the day and felt much better once I got home, changed into sweatpants and relaxed. I envy those who are always even-tempered, that has never been me.

After my long weekend away a few weeks ago I have had a difficult time regaining my routine. Sometimes it is nice to do things differently, but right now I think it is putting me a little on edge. I am not a fan of feeling behind and right now that is exactly how I feel. To be truthful I am not actually behind. My apartment is cleaner than it has been in a long time, I made some delicious meals this week and went on a few adventures.

Hopefully over the next few weeks I can reach an equilibrium and feel more like myself again. Until then I will do my best to remember to take a deep breath before speaking, I think it is best for all involved.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

The Art of Film

I joined a club, even better I convinced some friends to join with me. Twice a month through June I can go to the movie theater down town and see movies. The schedule is great, most of the movies are ones I always wanted to see but never did. Almost all of them came out before I was born, or when I was far too young to see them in the theater. For example, today they showed “Singin’ in the Rain”. It was the perfect start to the list of movies, a classic to transcend the ages.

I can not wait to find new favorites, enjoy old ones and to see them all on the big screen! It will be such a great way to spend a few evenings a month. I like having happy things to look forward to!

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Walk and talk.

I am so thankful for time with friends and upcoming plans.

Today the plan was for me to meet up with a friend and simply walk around and catch up. It was perfect. We talked about so many thing, I’d like to think it was good for both of us. We made plans to go to a Festival and to run a race together. There is even a movie coming out at Christmas time that we are both excited about. So many wonderful things to look forward to!

I love having happy things to look forward to.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

16 years ago.

Every year on 9/11 I am transported back to high school. Suddenly I am the 8th grader sitting in art class without a care in the world not knowing that five hours away everything was changing.  It is surreal to think back on the feelings and emotions, the sudden temperature drop of everything around me. I was old enough to know what was going on, but not quite old enough to fully understand the long-term ramification. Tragedy and heartbreak. Loss and destruction. It it still unthinkable to me that people can knowingly cause so much pain.

Year after year I see more conspiracy theories surrounding 9/11 and it breaks my heart. I am not saying there are not un answered questions about the events and many strange circumstances surrounding that horrible day. But today should be about showing respect for those who risked their lives on the chance they could save others. Today of all days should be about a continued support for those who lost loved ones, friends and family alike. It should be about coming together, not tearing apart.

The pictures to analyze will be there tomorrow and the next, but as you look at them remember they were not empty buildings or planes. It was not a movie prop or anything controlled, conspiracy or not never forget the pain of that day and the months to follow. Many lost someone, but we all lost something.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

 

Page by page.

It is not often that I start a book and never finish it. I have forced myself page by page through many a horrible book, but there is one book I am not sure I will ever be able to pick up again. It is not because I lost it or it was a horrible book. It was not an amazing read which was why it was perfect to be reading while planning a wedding. I can not remember the last day I read it, probably February 8 or 9. Sometimes I think about picking it up again, but I can honestly say at this point I don’t really care how it ends.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.