Confused.

I am not sure if today was a good day, or a bad one. It started off with facebook showing me my most liked picture from 2015, it was one of the us that no longer is. Seeing it flashed me back to that day, and what a good one it was, the kind that makes you feel like everything will always be perfect and happiness is never-ending.

Work had a few odd moments scattered throughout the day. Some good and encouraging, while others left me questioning everything. Then right when I thought everything was smooth sailing for the rest of the evening, I got the dreaded text at 8pm that something needed to be taken care of at work, so back in I go. It was the last thing I wanted to do, and it turned out it never had to be done in the first place.

I guess there is some kind of reason for everything, but today was full of moments I could have done without. Now at the end of the day I am confused, slightly frustrated and tired. I am extremely thankful that days like this are far and few between.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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A week day hike.

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Sometimes I forget how much hiking meant to me last year. Out on the trail was where I thought about the things I wish I could forget, but never will. I left a lot of heart ache and pain along the way and came back stronger.

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This year it has taken me a little longer to get back into the routine of hiking, but something about my last few adventures has me hooked again. The sound of the stream the calm breezes and time in the woods has been good for me. Today as I relaxed in my hammock at one of my favorite spots I flipped through the journal pages of last year’s hikes. I am glad I have the record to look back on, and that I continue to record more hikes on the pages.

I wish I knew where the rest of this summer was taking me, but one this is for sure I plan on spending a lot more time hiking and enjoying the stillness all around me.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.


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The stillness.

I went for a run today. It was quiet and peaceful, my path looped me through the cemetery and the BOCES campus. The first half mile was up hill at a steady incline, and I was proud that I pushed though. I saw very few people and enjoyed focusing on each stride and the sound of my breathing. I used to run with music, but I found that it distracted me from the calm that running gives me. When music is running through my head I focus on it, when I should be paying more attention to my surroundings and whatever internal battle I need to work out.

What was meant to be a two miles, turned into 3.4. The stillness was too wonderful, I simply wanted to continue, to push on. Tomorrow I will be a little sore, but in a way that is part of the fun. Hopefully this week I can make the time for a few more evening runs, after all, I need to earn every scoop of ice cream.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Steps.

img_7073From Monday to Friday I was obsessed with one thing, my step count. I am not exaggerating when I say all I did was sleep, work, eat and walk. By the end of the week my apartment was disaster and my legs were sore, but my step count were amazing! My grand total for the work week was 101,272 steps. Not only did this earn me first place, but was also my personal best during a Workweek Hustle Challenge.

Although I do not think I will maintain this insane week step count moving forward, it was fun to prove to myself that I could do it. There are some weeks that you need to achieve something that seems out of reach. This was my unachievable thing and the success was so sweet.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

An odd week.

This was an odd week, so full of ups and downs. I can honestly say I have no clue what side won. What I do know is that tomorrow morning I will sleep in and start to get the things done that were left behind this week. Hopefully next week will be better and full of nothing but happy moments and smooth days.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Understanding.

The planning it takes to make a TV show or movie never ceases to amaze me. The intricate story lines that run through season after season only to make sense after many episodes, and some not till the very end. Even after watching something many times over I still notice things I missed before, sometimes I wonder if the actors involved understood the twists and turns their characters were taking. A part of me hopes they are not fully aware, it makes me feel better about missing them myself.

I always wonder how this theory of not understanding something till you play through the moments again applies to life. More often than I would like to admit I have looked back and figured out the “Ah ha” moment that I missed at the time. I know there are more signs I should have seen that could have saved me some hurt along the way, but you do the best with what you have in the moment. What I do know is that there is a predetermined method and path for me. Hopefully, someday I can see how the unexpected twists and turns changed me for the better but for now I will do my best to watch out for the signs and keep moving forward.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Forward.

One year ago I never thought I would be where I am now. Honestly, a year ago I was not quite sure what direction my life would be going and could hardly think a week ahead let alone a year. There are still many things I need to figure out, but day by day I like to think that the picture is getting clearer. I have so many ideas for how I would like my life to move forward, hopes and dreams that might someday come true. The fears of my past still feel like a storm cloud following me but the future is bright, and I plan on pushing forward letting the storm fade away.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.