Daylight Savings.

Daylight Savings was originally put into place to give farmers more daylight in the fall and to save money on lamp oil and candles. Now it serves as a way to really mess up my internal clock. My body says it is an hour before the time, and I know it will take at least a week before my body adjusts to the change. You would think an hour is nothing at all, however that hour feels like an eternity at times.

In an ideal world I would have a slow week coming up with plenty of time to relax, and get used to the time difference. However this week will be a busy whirl wind. I have plans almost every evening and busy work schedule as well. Maybe the potential non-stop week will be the perfect way to reprogram my mind, I guess only time will tell.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.


A snow filled day.

This week seemed to go by too quickly. As much as I am grateful that it is Friday, a part of me is in disbelief that the work week is already over. Today was a snow filled day, so of course all I wanted to do was stay home cuddled up with a book. When I was able to come home early from work, catching up on my journal and reading were my top two priorities. There are few things better than spending time words while the world outside is covered in white.

Now that the week is done, I am looking forward to the weekend. I have very few plans and feel caught up on things for the most part. Hopefully all this adds up to a restful few days. A part of me really needs some low-key, non-scripted time to reset my jumbled mind. I am not sure what the next few weeks hold, but I will do what I can to put myself in the best possible position to face whatever comes my way.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

In like a lion.

My hope for March is to be a little more consistent with my days and more outgoing with my time. In January I did such a great job of pushing myself out of my comfort zone and spending time with others. Unfortunately, February I was back to old tricks of a mostly solitary existence. Not counting my weekend away, I rarely saw anyone outside of work. Now we are to the first day of March and my goal is to find a balance between what January was and February became.

The old saying about March is that it either comes in like a lion and out like a lamb, or vice versa. As the snow currently piles up outside I am hoping that by the end of March we will be well on our way to sunshiny days, outdoor adventures, and achieved goals. Some days we can take great strides, others end up being tip toed through, but everyday my hope is that I can do the best that I can to work toward the over all goal.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

One year later.

This morning I woke up with an odd feeling in my chest. Not exactly an ache, it was more like I was unable to catch my breath. Even now after the whole day has gone by the feeling has not fully disappeared. This process so far has been long and difficult and I know I am not close to being done dealing with the residual effects. Every step I have taken since this day last year has brought me so far from where I started. I am so thankful for each person who has been a positive force during that time. Each prayer and gesture has meant more to me than I can express.

Over the past few days I have cried more consistently than I have in months, but at every tear I was so supported. I am beyond thankful for all of my family, but in particular my cousin and her family. Her five kids kept me laughing and running around so much I hardly had time to think. There were a few times that her husband did some extra running around and put the kids to bed alone so I could have some extra time with my cousin. The past few evenings we have had some chats that went far too late and I am grateful that she took the time with me when I am sure she would have rather been in bed. Some people might think they have amazing families, but I have proof that for me it is true.

One year ago tonight I cried myself to sleep and had no clue what I was going to wake up to the next morning. Tonight I might go to bed with tears in my eyes, but with a heart full of hope and memories of a wonderful weekend.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

The little girl.

There are many reason I choose to travel to visit family this weekend. I knew it would be a difficult, emotional weekend and it would be best to get away, but I also knew that a fancy vacation would not be enough. Being surrounded by family means I have all the support I need no matter how I am feeling. I can cry, laugh and talk it out no matter when the emotions hit. I am lucky to be so loved.

I could go on and on about why I choose to come to where I am, but the truth is most of it can be boiled down to one little girl. She is so special and full of life. On that day I honestly think she is the only one that could have gotten me to eat. I have many blanks from that day, but I remember her smiling face as she took my hand and filled my plate with fruit and a few other things as I stood there numb. She sat next to me and as we ate she chattering away at a steady pace. Through the rest of the day I remember her checking in on me and keeping an eye on what I was doing. Who would have thought that a five year old would be my gardian angel that day.

Today we went on an adventure just the two of us and it was so much fun! Right now I am not sure she understands how amazing she was that day. At some point in the future I hope we can sit down and discuss the many ways she and the rest of my family and friends helped start me on the road to recovery. Until then, I hope we can continue to make memories and enjoy each moment we spend together.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

The journey.

Never did I expect to make it through this weekend without tears, but I had hoped to make it a little farther into it before they started. I am not really scared to cry, but it is not my favorite thing do. From the beginning I have felt it is important to let my emotions out when I can, bottling them up does nothing to help me as I heal. I am sure the last of my tears have not been shed, but in time I hold hope that the sting they hold will lessen. Strength does not need to come with a hard shell, what it needs is faith that moves mountains.

This space filled with words has become my outlet to hold many of my emotions and process thoughts. I am glad I have documented my journey because it is so encouraging to see how far I have come. In some ways the time has moved slowly. There were days I felt like I held my breath all day to stop myself from crying. Other days I felt strong, but still very broken. My story feels more like something you would see as the plot of a movie or tv show and I have to remind myself that it really did happen. Each time I tell someone about it the disbelief is only halted by the look in my eyes that shows the reality.

This weekend will be good for me. There is nothing like being surrounded by family (including 5 crazy kids) to make the toughest situation alright. If I need to talk they will listen, if I need to cry there is nothing stopping me and with so many people around I am never alone.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.


Driving long distances can have a therapeutic effect. Watching the trees and buildings go by, finding the next radio station when the last one gets too fuzzy and best of all pretending you are in the millenium falcon flying at light speed as the snow is falling. It is also a time to think and reflect, to remember all the things you are thankful for and to look forward to the adventures your time away holds.

This February will be nothing like the last one.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.