Truth vs. reality.

As a kid we think we have things all figured out. Our path will be smooth and easy, not even a pebble would dare stand in our way. By the time we are in high school we think our future life is waiting for us and as soon as we graduate we will be given a road map along with our diploma. With each trial and stumble we start to question our past believes, yet we trudge on knowing that the future we want is just around the next corner. Unfortunately, our rose-colored glasses break too quickly, but that does not mean that hope should not remain.

For me my dream has changed more than once and at times my hope has faltered, but I have been fortunate to always have someone to pull me out of my despair. Through them I have learned the importance of being there for others who are hurting. It is not always an easy task and is often thankless, but that does not mean it is worthless.

I am not grateful for the stumbles and falls I have had, but I am thankful for the lessons I have learned from them. Each loss, heartbreak and setback has allowed me to relate to others differently and show them love and support in ways I never could before. Unfortunately, I have no magical cure, but I do have a shoulder to cry on, ears to listen with and a smile to brighten your day. Sometimes those little things are the biggest when we are broken.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.


Surprise Laughter

On my way back to work from lunch my mind was wandering and I suddenly started to laugh. It took me a short bit to process what my mind thought was so funny, and it was not what you would expect. Honestly, it was not what I expected. Yet there I was giggling to myself on the same route that used to be filled with tears and a brave front.

It is no secret that the week before my wedding was unconventionally stressful. The day before when my family and friends were helping me set up for the wedding that would never be, I ran into my office quickly. I was obviously distraught and very stressed and off handedly said that I would tell them the whole crazy story in a year or so when it became funny. Well, many parts of it just became funny.

I will not be recounting the story here in any farther detail than I already have in the past, but it is now just over a year and I feel an odd sense of peace. That day was like the start of a really bad romance movie (if anyone wants movie rights please let me know), but it was not the end of anything. It was the beginning of everything. I am stronger, wiser and getting better each day. It is unfortunate that sometimes we need to go through unbelievable pain to find our path, but I hope someday when I get where I am going I can look back and smile about how far I have come.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.


Life is like a row of dominos. Each move we make can changes the series of events. Maybe the path we expected to take is blocked off from us, but in time the big picture is formed. If one piece is out of place sequence everything could change. From time to time, I find myself wondering what I would have done different if I could go back in time keeping the knowledge I now have. I am sure I would have made different decisions, but that does not mean I would have done everything right or ended up anywhere different. Maybe a decision I made would have taken me down a different path of heartache and I would be sitting here writing the same post with a different past.

The best thing we can do with our past is to accept it and to not let it hold us back. I think it is important to share our experiences, both good and bad with those around us. We can not change our past, but we might be able to influence someone else for the good. There is a whole world out there waiting to be conquered. Just because tragedy struck does not mean our dominoes are done falling. I am holding tightly on the fact that someday these dark days will be an integral part in the beautiful bigger picture I am working toward.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

The seven year quilt.

My favorite place to make quilts is at one of my Aunt and Uncle’s houses. My Aunt has her basement all set up for sewing, cutting an ironing. Quilting with my Aunt has the benefit of her expertise with all things sewing and the fun of spending time together. I have had some pretty crazy sewing experiments that we have tried with mixed reviews, but always end in some level of success. I have a habit of starting out making a baby blanket, and ending up with a full. What can I say, I like boarders, and hate patterns.



I am not sure where the idea came from to make a quilt out of men’s dress shirts. I had it somewhere in the fall of 2011 when I bought a stack of dress shirts at second-hand stores. They were mostly blues and greens, striped and plaid, large and small. Each one different with a unique past and a common future. The original idea was to make this quilt for my boyfriend at the time, but it was a gift that was never to be.

While visiting my Aunt and Uncle October of 2014 the process of making the quilt began. We got the entire top made, it is composed of 3 inch strips at varying lengths sewn together at random. Remember, me and patterns have a sketchy relationship. We carefully sewed each row together leaving some of the of pockets intact. The finished top was a beautiful combination of colors that keep your eye moving around making connections and bridges from line to line. The goal was for me to go home and finish the quilt, but after that October weekend it would stay folded up for the next four years.


Now the quilt is finally finished and is on my bed. On my distraction weekend adventure my Aunt and I finally finished it. In true form it is HUGE! We used fabric from my Aunt’s stores to make the back, pinned it together, machine quilted and bound it in less than 24 hours. The good thing about making huge quilts is that oversized blankets are so cuddly, the bad side is that you have to take the extra time to finish them. In my opinion the end result was well worth that extra time.

So much has changed in my life from the concept of this quilt to its completion. I have been in three relationships and have had two different jobs. There has been loss and gain, and so much love and support woven in between. Sometimes, you never know where life will take you, but the good thing is eventually you end up with a masterpiece composed of it all.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.


A different life.

Every once in a while I still miss him, but not really him more the idea of what he once represented. At this point I no longer see his face when I close my eyes or remise over good times past. What I have the hardest time with is thinking of the future. A year later and it still strange to get past our hopes and dreams. We knew what we wanted out of life and the steps to get there. A house, a family, travel and so much more. Now all that is meaningless, the future of a different life.

Eventually, I hope I stop wondering about what if. Maybe someday I will have new dreams as a we, with someone more special than I can imagine. For now I will continue to trying to figure out what I want once again. Sometimes I feel so lonely.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

An unexpected chat.

Life is full of unexpected surprises, fortunately not all of them are bad. This morning I got a txt from someone that I have neither seen or talked to in years. It was quite out of the blue, and a lovely surprise. She was on her way through town and stopped by my office for a chat. We stood and talked for quite a while, we had a great time catching up.

The thing I found funny is that I had thought about contact her on and off over the past few years, but never did. Now I regret not taking the opportunity in the past. I hope we will be able to plan another meet up in the future. Someone who will go out of their way to see you after years of no communication them is someone that you want in your life.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

One year later.

This morning I woke up with an odd feeling in my chest. Not exactly an ache, it was more like I was unable to catch my breath. Even now after the whole day has gone by the feeling has not fully disappeared. This process so far has been long and difficult and I know I am not close to being done dealing with the residual effects. Every step I have taken since this day last year has brought me so far from where I started. I am so thankful for each person who has been a positive force during that time. Each prayer and gesture has meant more to me than I can express.

Over the past few days I have cried more consistently than I have in months, but at every tear I was so supported. I am beyond thankful for all of my family, but in particular my cousin and her family. Her five kids kept me laughing and running around so much I hardly had time to think. There were a few times that her husband did some extra running around and put the kids to bed alone so I could have some extra time with my cousin. The past few evenings we have had some chats that went far too late and I am grateful that she took the time with me when I am sure she would have rather been in bed. Some people might think they have amazing families, but I have proof that for me it is true.

One year ago tonight I cried myself to sleep and had no clue what I was going to wake up to the next morning. Tonight I might go to bed with tears in my eyes, but with a heart full of hope and memories of a wonderful weekend.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.