Never did I expect to make it through this weekend without tears, but I had hoped to make it a little farther into it before they started. I am not really scared to cry, but it is not my favorite thing do. From the beginning I have felt it is important to let my emotions out when I can, bottling them up does nothing to help me as I heal. I am sure the last of my tears have not been shed, but in time I hold hope that the sting they hold will lessen. Strength does not need to come with a hard shell, what it needs is faith that moves mountains.
This space filled with words has become my outlet to hold many of my emotions and process thoughts. I am glad I have documented my journey because it is so encouraging to see how far I have come. In some ways the time has moved slowly. There were days I felt like I held my breath all day to stop myself from crying. Other days I felt strong, but still very broken. My story feels more like something you would see as the plot of a movie or tv show and I have to remind myself that it really did happen. Each time I tell someone about it the disbelief is only halted by the look in my eyes that shows the reality.
This weekend will be good for me. There is nothing like being surrounded by family (including 5 crazy kids) to make the toughest situation alright. If I need to talk they will listen, if I need to cry there is nothing stopping me and with so many people around I am never alone.
Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.