A short week.

What is it about short weeks that feel so long. Despite today being a productive day, time seemed to go backward. One thing I am happy about is despite the not so fun week, I managed to not have much of a break down. In the past when I am tired and frustrated my emotions go out of control and I can not help but cry. My hope is that this weekend will be a chance for me to rest and reset for the upcoming week. To be honest I am not looking forward to what next week might be, but I refuse to give in to a potential bad week before it starts.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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One less thing.

A slow three day weekend was just what I needed to regain some energy and perspective. I slept in, relaxed and attempted not to worry about anything outside of my control. Over all it was a success and like always I wish there was more time. But the good thing is tomorrow I will wake up to a clean apartment, well rested and ready for the week. Sometimes the best thing is knowing that there is one less thing you will have to worry about tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Today.

After all that has happened today in America I feel guilty saying that I had a great day. It never ceases to amaze me how each person’s perception of a day can be so different. True last night I did not sleep very well, but for some reason I was able to function close my normal standard. For me today felt like it went pretty fast and for the most part I was productive.

With all this being said I of course felt for Las Vegas and the many people affected. For the overall country it was another horrible day in history. Honestly, this had been a pretty rough few months for Americans. Between natural disasters and the shooting today there has been a lot of trauma and loss. No part of a tragedy is good, but the way people come together in the aftermath always helps to restore my faith in humanity. Hearing stories of people coming together to help those in need shows me that not all is lost.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Something wonderful.

Today I had in-service for my lifeguarding position at the Y. There were so many new faces we were asked to go around the room and say our name and something wonderful that recently happened in our lives. I can honestly say I was not sure how to answer that question. One of the lifeguards was just crowned homecoming queen, another backpacked through Europe over the summer and a few are having great sports season. For me I still feel it is a great accomplishment to make it through a day without crying. Somehow, I didn’t think that was they type of answer they were looking for. Even beyond that, it was not the answer I wanted to give because for many of them it would require an explanation I did not feel like saying.

Sometimes. I am frustrated that I am still celebrating small victories. I know every day I am getting better and stronger, but sometimes it feels like time moves too slowly or not at all. I guess I need to remember that even small victories are worth recognizing because they all add up to a much greater whole.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Faced as a team.

Today was one of those horrible terrible no good very bad days that come along every once in a while. I am so thankful that everyone stepped up and got things done. Some how bad days of work never seem as unbearable when they are faced as a team. We all worked hard and came out on top. Our reward is two days without work, and this week it was well-earned.

Rough days like this make it hard to come home to an empty house. True there are two cats who were more than willing to cuddle with me and make me feel loved, but they lack the ability to empathize with me over days like today. There were a few times throughout the day all I wanted was to have someone special to send a message of frustration and get a word of encouragement back. I guess things like that will go on the growing list of things I will appreciate so much more than I did in the past when my next relationship comes along.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Monday blues.

Today was a true Monday. Full of a not so fun workday and the anticipation of an interesting week. There were a few moments today that I simply wanted to throw my hands up in the air and have someone else deal with it all. I really hate days like this and am so grateful when they are over.

Many times today I told myself that it could be worse and I did my best to look on the bright side. As we all know this is not always an easy task. All in all it was a productive day that ended with a few small successes and hopefully a good jumping off point for a reasonable rest of the week. Time will tell.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

When vacation ends.

Today marks the end of my lovely vacation. I hiked, spent time with family, slept in and finished with a day of cleaning. It is never fun going back to work after a vacation, but I feel like I will start on the best foot possible. True, I did not get everything done I had hoped, but the most important things were completed. As a bonus I can come home after a long day tomorrow and know that I can relax and not have to stress over a mess.

Vacations are still a little odd for me, really anything that would have been an “us decision” or time spent together is strange. 99.9% of things is getting easier, but I feel like that .1% continues to haunt me more than I like. Some nights I have issues making dinner for myself or deciding what to watch. I know I have come so very far in the healing process, but sometimes it feels like I have gone no where. It is all about baby steps and taking a nice deep breath when things get rough. Hopefully I can continue to remember that.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Days off.

I feel like I am getting a double vacation!

It started with a wonderful weekend at my Aunt and Uncles and up to my cousins. Time spent with family is always wonderful. Now I have two more glorious days with no work and no major obligations. True I have a seemingly endless list of things that should get done, but going to work is not on it.

First on my list is sleeping in then taking advantage of the beautiful weather predicted for tomorrow. Of course this means hiking and possibly some time in my hammock. Hopefully I will get caught up in my journal and maybe even get the dishes done. There is laundry to fold and floors to clean, but most importantly there are cats to cuddle and relaxing to be done.

It has been such a long time since I have had so many days off in a row, I can hardly contain myself for the excitement!

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Repurposed.

It is important for me to remember that things can be repurposed and enjoyed in ways other than what they were intended for. For example, my parents have a box of chocolates and other foods that were meant to be in the guest bags at the wedding. This weekend I took a few things out of it to take to work and today I took a box around and shared the wealth. We all enjoyed the snack and I made a few awkward jokes. Sometimes I have to laugh or I will start crying, and there has already been enough of that.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Stay positive.

What a week. I am unable to pinpoint exactly what made it so awful, I think it was a combination of things. Some may have been in my control, but others were not. I think there are some weeks that I dwell more on how different my life is now, from what I thought it would be a year ago. I know I have not moved backward, but sometimes as I sit alone on a Friday night it is difficult to remember that.

Work felt very negative this week. Not because of the actual job, more like some of the people were simply unable to stay positive. I am still struggling daily to maintain a positive attitude about much of my life so it was difficult to be immersed in such an environment. I do my best to tune it all out, but sometimes no matter how hard you try it is impossible to avoid entirely.

On the other hand, there were some very positive parts of the week. I have continued to take steps toward a new adventure. I planned some vacation days that I am looking forward to and, I have finally made it to the weekend. It is a rare weekend with no set in stone plans, which means two days of hiking, creating, and relaxing. Tonight I go to bed hopping for sweet dreams and no alarm to wake me up in the morning.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.