Over the past few months I have avoided certain things. Things that reminded me of him. Things that we often did together. There are some meals that I refuse to make, some places that are difficult to go, some shows that I refuse to watch. At times it makes me feel weak, like I am unable to stand up for myself, but really it is simply a way to hold back the tears.
Today I faced one of the things I try so hard to avoid. I went for a walk for no real reason but to enjoy the evening. True I have walked home on lunch, and I have gone for a few hikes alone, but this was the first time I walked around town without a purpose on the same paths we once walked together. It was strange to be alone, and unfortunately I did think about him.
At the end of my walk I was proud of myself, because I took one more step outside of my current comfort zone. It is amazing how strong and confident I am becoming. I have challenged myself in so many ways, but it is still difficult to be reminded of him. In time I know everything I avoid now will stop causing pain, but for now I will celebrate my small accomplishments. After all, we can only take one step at a time.
Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.