I never liked Valentine’s Day anyway.

You know the worst time to break up with someone? 

You guessed it, right before Valentine’s Day. Every other commercial is about something romantic. Every movie has a love twist. Every store is full of hearts, chocolate and candy. Every time it’s like sticking a knife in my chest and twisting.

Honestly Valentine’s Day has never been my favorite. Just another silly holiday to make people buy things, not to mention the fact that almost all the candy is red and full of the dye Red #40 (an allergy of mine). But this one I was looking forward to.

This was supposed to be the best Valentine’s Day, because it was going to be our first together of so many. Instead it will be the first holiday that I am left to think of what was supposed to be.

I was supposed to be on the way to my honeymoon. It was supposed to be a romantic first week of being married. We were going to have adventures and spend time together. There were going to be hundreds of I love you’s and thousands of kisses. Lots of long mornings in bed and late nights together. We would take pictures of our first married adventure and later print them to remember the moments for years to come. We were going to be happy.

I keep telling myself this was not meant to be my happily ever after. There is someone else out there for me, and in order to get to that place I had to go through all of this. I am not the first to have to survive this loss, unfortunately I will not be the last.

Over time the black hole consuming me will grow smaller. Eventually the ache in my heart will subside. The random urges to cry will become further apart until one day they are no more.

For now I will soldier on. Holding on to the good moments and allowing the bad to blow away like dust in the wind.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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