Dreading February.

February will mark one year of this emotional roller coaster I have been on. Every day is one step closer to February and I find myself dreading it more and more. My solution to the dread is simple yet still undefined. I have decided that I need to plan an adventure to hopefully replace some of the dread with excitement.

No matter what I do, or where I am, February 11 will not be an easy day, but that does not mean I should hide in the corner and let it consume me. It is simple enough to have and idea, it is the execution I have yet to figure out. I want to do something memorable that gets me out of my comfort zone. I really want this to be a unique experience that overshadows all my negative feelings toward February.

I have a few ideas that I am starting my research and see what is possible. With that being said, if anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them!

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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When vacation ends.

Today marks the end of my lovely vacation. I hiked, spent time with family, slept in and finished with a day of cleaning. It is never fun going back to work after a vacation, but I feel like I will start on the best foot possible. True, I did not get everything done I had hoped, but the most important things were completed. As a bonus I can come home after a long day tomorrow and know that I can relax and not have to stress over a mess.

Vacations are still a little odd for me, really anything that would have been an “us decision” or time spent together is strange. 99.9% of things is getting easier, but I feel like that .1% continues to haunt me more than I like. Some nights I have issues making dinner for myself or deciding what to watch. I know I have come so very far in the healing process, but sometimes it feels like I have gone no where. It is all about baby steps and taking a nice deep breath when things get rough. Hopefully I can continue to remember that.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

My not so little cousin. 

Time flies, it is honestly insane how fast it goes. 12 years ago on Tuesday one of my little cousins was born, but I guess I can not call her little any more. She has grown into such a beautiful creative person, and I was excited to be able to celebrate her birthday today. It was a wonderful adventure and great time spent with family. 

There were so many wonderful parts of the day, it is impossible to name a favorite. She was excited about each of her presents. We took a walk in the woods. I ate a peach right off the tree. We saw the pigs and chickens they are raising. She showed me her little art studio and we talked so much about this and that. Spending time with kids is simply the best. 

I wish I lived closer so I could spend more time with them, but unfortunately the five hour drive is too much to make all the time. For now I can’t wait for thanksgiving to spend more time with them all. 

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Friday. 

The past few weeks have been busy, and my temper has gotten short. But today I did not have to deal with any of it. Sometimes it is important to have a few days off from your normal routine to give you a chance to breath. Instead of work, I hiked. It was a park I had never been to with beautiful views I had never seen.

The day was a perfect way to hit reset on my temper so I can be ready for whatever comes my way. 

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Home again.

Coming home after a long weekend is bitter-sweet. I am so happy to know I will sleep in my own bed tonight, but at the same time I will miss being in a different place and having new adventures. The past few days have really messed with my sleep schedule, I was up far to late every day and managed to sleep most of the way home today. I am sure that Monday morning will be here before I know it, and I am not ready.

My vacation was not what I had anticipated it being when I first took the time off, but that does not mean it was bad. I got to see the school where my sister-in-law works, we did a little bit of shopping and walked up and down who knows how many stairs. While there my brother and sister-in-law moved and I am glad that we were there to help. Fortunately there were movers for the heavy lifting and an elevator to prevent them from so many trips up and down stairs.

Sometimes unexpected things turnout the best in the long run, this is something I am slowly finding out from my own experiences. I will have to plan another trip to see them so I can venture out to attractions close to the school, see their apartment unpacked and put together and maybe see the school full of kids in all its glory.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Packing.

I am pretty sure that my body and mind clocked out sometime yesterday because today has been a struggle. I forced myself out of bed and to work and somehow got myself through the day. Around noon I was extremely thankful for my forethought of getting so much done on Monday. The good thing is I know everything at work is in capable hands leaving me with a few worry free days off.

Packing for a vacation is the worst. Somehow I never feel ready to go. There is always something that needs to be done before I leave and the list doesn’t seem to shrink. I feel like most of the big stuff is taken care of, work, the cats, a relatively clean apartment. All that is left is things that would be beneficial like finishing up the dishes. Hopefully I walk out the door with everything I need ready and prepared for a wonderful, and much-needed time away.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Bitter-sweet.

Time off is still a little bitter-sweet. I find myself thinking of how I would have used my vacation if we were still together. It is still so strange to remember that I am just a me. It has been a while since I caught myself in a moment that I went to messaged him something about my day. To go from talking to someone every day to silence is such an odd feeling. Whoever said that silence is deafening was dead on in their reasoning.

So far this week has been an odd in-between. The past month has been a series of ups and downs and now I am anticipating my long weekend filled with family time. So far this week I have done my best to get ahead at work so I can leave for a few days and not feel like I have left a mess for others to deal with. There are still a few loose ends I need to tie up, but in just a few days I will be on the road without a care in the world.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Ready to take on the world! 

It is serendipitous that I have a short vacation planned for the end of next week, because I am in need of few days off. The past few months have been a good busy and a roller coaster of emotions. It has worn me down. I had a lot of amazing experiences teaching classes, volunteering and working on some new projects, but it is time to hit a reset button and come back fresh and ready to take on the world!

July has been a crazy month. It started out with many tears, but I feel like I hit a point of strength that I had been building up to. I am 100% sure that difficult days are not gone, but every day is truly feeling easier. For example, this weekend I was asked multiple times how my wedding was and I didn’t cry once when answering. It truly is amazing how strong you can become with time, when you use bad experiences to teach you not harden you.

I am truly looking forward to an August, full of new adventures and hopefully a lot more sleep.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.