Buying new shoes is scary. 

I tried on so many shoes today.  It was horrible, but worth it. We went to the outlet mall close to where my brother lives and every shoe store was ridiculously busy. My dad and I were dodging and weaving as we grabbed shoes from the racks. I have no clue how many shoes I looked at but I walked away with three pairs. Two for running and one for work. 

Although I have walked so much this weekend and went for a decent run yesterday, I still had to test out a pair of my new shoes. It was just a short run, but I was excited I finished with minimal foot pain. After my last new running shoe fiasco it was great to finish and have my feet feel great. Time will tell, but I see some long runs in my new shoes in the near future!

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Forth floor walk up. 

Today my family spent the day moving my brother and sister-in-law into their new fancy apartment. Thankfully there were movers to do the heavy lifting, but that does not mean we didn’t work hard. The new apartment is on the 4th and 5th floor of a dorm, although there is an elevator we mostly took the stairs. Up and down we went a few times through the day. 
At the end of the move, a little bit of shopping and dinner I decided I wanted to go for a short run. I was thinking a mile and a half or so, well, I ended up doing an even 3 miles. That three mile run may have been a bit much for today, but really I’ve been taking it far too easy so maybe it was just what I needed. 

Boy will I sleep well tonight… and most likely wake up very sore. 

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Opened doors.

Whenever I thought about being a teacher someday I always figured it would have something to do with art. So I have been pleasantly surprised with how much I am enjoying teaching Red Cross classes. It is so rewarding to pass on lifesaving skills to others. Over the past few months I have taught 3 lifeguard classes totaling about 40 students and today, a CPR class for 6 future nursing students.

img_0616If the wedding had gone as planned I don’t think I ever would have pursued getting my Lifeguard Instructor Certification and none of this would have been possible. I really count it as one of many doors God opened to show me my streingth and give me confidance. I hope I will be able to continue passing on my knowlage and help others achieve their goals for many years to come. As an instructor there is no greater pleasure than seeing your students pass and feel confidant in their skills.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

I never knew.

A friend asked me to do a project for her, I am very excited and honored that she asked. Today I started some of the initial gathering of information before I dive in head first. I wrote down some verses that bring comfort, strength and courage. Many of the verses spoke to me, but a few stood out.

Psalm 119:25
I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word

Sometimes I am in disbelief over what this year has turned into. There are some things you only expect to happen in movies, so when it happens to you it takes a while for it to become real. I wish I could understand more about exactly where everything went wrong, but I think to trace it back would be pointless, after all, I would still be where I am. It is amazing how broken down I was compared to how strong and confident I am becoming.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

2 Corinthians has played a huge roll in my recovery. I have found much comfort in its words. From day one it has been amazing the blanket of comfort I have received. Even more shocking to me is how I was able to help others so soon after facing my own troubles. God works in mysterious ways and I can not wait to see what he has in store for me next.

Psalm 119: 50
My comfort in my suffering is this: your promises preserves my life.

No where are we promised an easy life, there will be unknown struggles and pain. What we are promised is that God will be by our side no matter what. He will carry us through the hard times and celebrate alongside us in happy ones.

Everyday I am amazed of the small lessons I learn and the wisdom I gain. It is unfortunate that in order to get where I am going I had to lay low in the dust, but am becoming something much more than I ever imagined. Daily I am working to remember that it takes time to bring out the strength He is giving me, but someday I will have a new confidence that I never knew I could have.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Perspective.

Thankfully I have felt more emotionally stable lately. I’m not saying all is right with the world, but I feel like maybe time has begun to be kind to me. Hearing about wedding stuff still stings and seeing happy family everywhere I look is not necessarily easy, but I think I am beginning to find a better perspective.

I try think about how wonderful it will be someday when I am in the position to enjoy planning a wedding with a happy ending and having a family of my own. Someday I want to be able to tell my kids or nieces and nephews about this time in my life and not be ashamed that I spent it being jealous of everyone around me. Hopefully I can tell them that I faced each struggle with streingth, courage and determination.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Stronger and better.

Another weekend over.

The lifeguard class went well. I was a nervous walking into the class Friday because I have known two of the girls who were taking it since they were little. In fact, I baby sat them many years ago. Once I got over the initial nerves it was a lot of fun to teach them. At times it was difficult to remember that they are no longer little girls, and it was wonderful to see what strong, beautiful young women they have grown into.

As an instructor it is encouraging to hear that your students are leaving confident in their skills. Lifeguarding is more than sitting in a chair with a whistle getting a tan. A lot of hard work and time goes into achieving your certification. I hope that none of my students have to use their skills, but I know that they can handle any situation that comes their way.

Teaching has been such a wonderful experience and has been so good for me the past few months. It is important for me to remember that I have many skills and talent that can open unexpected doors in unique ways. True, at the end of a lifeguard class I am extremely exhausted, but I also feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. I hope I leave each of my students stronger and better than they started, because I know that is how they leave me.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Spontaneous.

This week has felt like a series of spontaneous emotional outbursts. I can think of a few reasons why, but none seem to make the whole picture. I am quickly learning that no matter how hard I try, all the emotions inside of me find a way out. Most of the time I do such a great job of keeping a brave face and pretending to be stronger than I actually feel. This week I failed. The truth is, everyday I do not feel stronger. Some days I feel so weak, but I like to think that the good days outweigh the bad.

Everyday I learn more about my weakness. Knowing your limitations and being able to push through them is a form of strength that I am becoming more and more familiar with. I know that I am stronger, but sometimes it is difficult to feel it. I need to remember to take things as they come and do my best to stop my own negativity before it gets started. Most of the time we are our own worst enemies.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday. 

Faith to dream. 

Let me get this out of the way, the main speaker at camp sounds like James Earl Jones and he has an incredible amount of energy. 

This morning he preached about redemption and how God can turn our vices into fruits of the spirit. He ended by reminding us that we need to continue to fill ourselves up with the Holy Spirit because we constantly pour it out of ourselves and into others. Over all a very powerful message. 

The evening service was an emotional roller coaster for me. I have said before that I know God is working in my life and has a plan for me, but in order to get there I had to get stronger. Apparently God wanted to really drive that idea home for me today. The main topic was having faith to dream and follow through on the plans God has for us. 

Throughout the Bible God talks to the faithful in the form of dreams. Noah, Abraham and Joseph all learned about the plan God had for them in dreams. For the past few months God has begun to place things in my heart. I honestly can’t tell you where I am being lead, but I know a plan has been set in motion. Now it is up to me to continue to be steadfast and courageous. 

The speaker closed the message with an altar call for those who have a dream that has been laid on their hearts. I went up. I have a dream, but unfortunately it is too raw for me to put into words. In Gods time he will show me where he needs me, and will get me through each struggle along the way. 

I cried a lot today. Sometimes it is simply too hard to hold in all the emotions and it becomes overwhelming. But I am resilient, strong and courageous and with God on my side, unstoppable. 

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday. 

It is ok to laugh.

For those of you who don’t know, I am a graphic designer and I work for a small town newspaper in Upstate New York. Two weeks after I was left at the altar our spring/summer bridal guide went to press. Before the wedding I was so excited to lay out the pages. Fast forward to the aftermath of the most emotional two weeks of my life and I was simply trying to put the pages together without actually looking at them.

Today at work we started talking about our fall/winter bridal guide that coincides with a bridal show. A little over four months later am still not overly excited to be immersed in wedding talk, but like all things I know I will survive. I made a joke to a co-worker today that I promise to not be left at the altar two weeks before this publication goes to press. I told her it was ok to laugh, after all the irony of the situation was not lost on me.

It is strange when things line up and you are forced to face your worst fears when the pain that caused them is so fresh. Sometimes it is the best way to begin healing. My fears have changed because of what happened, but I am also getting much better at facing them as they arise. I am still working my way through to understanding, but I am beginning to feel like the pieces are coming together. It is nice to know how strong I have become.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Onward to summer.

I started off 2017 thinking it would be the best year ever, but not far into spring that theory was already out the window. It still shocks me how quickly things can turn upside down, but I did my best to salvage what was left of spring. Over all I think I did a pretty good job. I ran a couple of races, went hiking and started to pick up the pieces of my broken life.

Now, onward to summer! I already know of a few adventures that I am excited about. With my Empire Pass I plan on spending lots of time in the great outdoors. Hopefully I will be able to challenge myself to be better and stronger. It is so wonderful to look forward to sunny days full of potential.

True, this year is nothing like I thought it would be. In time I hope that I will look back on 2017 and realize that sometimes the best things are the unexpected. After all wonderful things tend happen when we are not looking for them.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.