More miles behind me. 

Lately I haven’t been running as much as I should be. I find that running helps me to find balance and let my body release some of its “I work at a desk job” energy. When I am on a run I am able to process things with more clarity. It is an amazing form of stress relief for when the walls are closing in on me. If I want to think, I can. If I want to forget the world, that is possible too. When I am on a run everything feels possible.

Concentrating on putting one foot in front of another, knowing that every step takes me closer to the goal is such an empowering feeling. I know how great I feel emotionally after a run, yet for some reason I have not been taking as much time to run as I should. I need to make more of an effort to get out more consistently and put many more miles behind me.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A strange week.

It is one of those days that I have too many thought and none of them really make much sense. Just a lot of floating emotions and ideas with no real connections. I will blame my current state on the strange week I had. It never really felt like I was able to catch up, but somehow everything got done. I know Sunday evening I will dread the start of the new week and the few things I could have gotten done today that I didn’t. Sometimes I find it best to cut your losses on a Friday and know that Monday morning you will have fresh eyes ready to take on anything.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

The original day.

Planning my wedding was an interesting experience. It had many levels of frustrations, one was a wedding date change. My then finance decided that he wanted to move up the wedding by seven months. At the time it was a great idea, we both wanted to begin our adventure together that much sooner, I have never wanted a long engagement anyway. It is so crazy to think of all the extra stress and frustration I put myself through to end up in a place I never thought I would be.

Today was the original date of the wedding. It has been an odd day. My calendar at work has whiteout covering the words “My wedding day”. The words may be hidden, but I still know they are there. Most of today I have wondered what would have happened if we hadn’t moved the wedding date. Would I be celebrating with friends and family right now? Would my future be completely different?

I continue to have so many questions about my failed relationship that I know will never have answers. Honestly, I am not sure I want to have answers, because the only one that can help solve the mysteries is the one person I hope I never see again. Besides, having answers will only create more questions to be answered.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A sink full of dishes.

I hate having a sink full of dishes, but this week the last thing I wanted to do was to clean. It has been one of the warmest weeks of the year so far, I have been working on a huge project the past few weeks that has felt all-consuming and I am simply tired. I could really use a relaxing weekend to catch up on everything that needs to be done, but this will not be that weekend

Keeping with the trend, I continue to add more dishes to the pile. Every night I say tomorrow I will get them washed, so far that tomorrow has not come. Tonight I will add a few more to the pile and pretend like tomorrow they will get washed. Eventually everything will get taken care of, it always does, you can only hold off the inevitable for so long.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A lot of nothing.

This evening I did the bare minimum. It was nice to sit on the couch and stare at the TV or play on my phone. I am sure tomorrow I will regret the pile of dishes in the sink and the fact I wasted a beautiful evening on the couch instead of on a run, but some times it is nice to be lazy. I try so hard to do so much that it becomes difficult to manage it all. I find that some nights it is important to take some time to relax.

Sadly the dishes will still be there tomorrow and hopefully the weather will allow me to go for a run, but if not there are worse things. I have never been very good at going with the flow. I like to have an idea of what could happen, but I am trying very hard to take things as they come and not put unneeded stress on myself. The whole thing is much easier said then done, but I will keep working on it.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.