Clean Sheets

There is nothing like that first sleep on clean sheets. If I could I would change the sheets on my bed everyday. I am aware this is a slightly unrealistic concept, but I will be honest, there have been a few times that I have changed my sheets after a stressful day just so I could have one bright spot in my day.

The smell and softness of clean sheets makes me so happy. I do not even mind folding sheets because I think it helps to lock in that clean feeling. In the summer I like to hang my sheets outside so they can dry in the fresh air and sunshine. Somehow the sun changes everything about the way sheets feel.

I am aware that this is a rather odd post. The reality is that this week has been a bit crazy but I changed my sheets today, so all is alright with the world. Sometimes it really is the small things that make all the difference.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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Stress.

Stressful weeks tend to bring out memories I would rather forget. Of course this has the negative effect of adding more internal stress to the situation. After the first three days of this week I am already done, the sad thing is that the last two have the potential to be even worse. I know everything will get done, one way or another it always does, what I fear is how difficult it will be.

I wish I could stay home tomorrow, but that is not an option. Hopefully I will get a good nights sleep, wake up ready to attack the day and leave the stress behind me. Someday I am sure the painful memories of past will stop influencing the present with such force, for now I will simply have to learn to separate the reality from the memories and get stuff done.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Unpredictable.

A neighborhood cat has decided my porch is the place to be and it has turned my apartment into a very strange battle ground. Neither of my cats are acting like themselves. The one that is usually dominate and fearless is hiding and hissing at almost anything that comes close. On the other hand the timid shy cat that hides under the bed when there is a loud noise is being outgoing and enjoying extra cuddles.

Honestly, I should not be surprised that my cats are not acting as expected about the situation. After all from my experience some people in stressful situations can be very unpredictable. I have even been surprised how I have handled the unspeakable situations I have dealt with over the past months, not to mention little moments that pop in and out at will.

Hopefully the neighborhood cat will find a new favorite spot soon and my two will be back to normal. I have been hoping and praying for the same thing for me and slowly I am feeling more and more confidant. I know that God is useing this time in my life to make me a better person able to help others in ways I never could have before. I am not so sure thankful is the word to use, but I am grateful that in time something wonderful will come out of all the pain.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Nervous butterflies.

Sometimes I think about dating again and I get really scared. I know it is silly, but I a year ago I never thought I would have to go through an awkward first date again. Getting to know each other, not knowing what questions to ask, conversations not going as planned, or maybe not really going at all. It is awful to think about. I guess the good thing is that it is not worth dreading too much since there is no potential first date in the forseeable future. On the other hand it is nice to be in a place that I am thinking a new relationship is even being possible. Six months ago the concept was completely unthinkable to me.

There are some good early relationship things that I look forward to experiencing once again. The nervous butterflies you get every time you think of them. The excitement that comes with each date and getting to know each other is not alway horrible. Sometimes the conversation flows with such ease that before you know it all the first date jitters are gone.

Who knows what the future holds. For right now I will continue becoming the best me that I can be so when someone walks into my life I will be ready to deal with whatever first date comes my way.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

More miles behind me. 

Lately I haven’t been running as much as I should be. I find that running helps me to find balance and let my body release some of its “I work at a desk job” energy. When I am on a run I am able to process things with more clarity. It is an amazing form of stress relief for when the walls are closing in on me. If I want to think, I can. If I want to forget the world, that is possible too. When I am on a run everything feels possible.

Concentrating on putting one foot in front of another, knowing that every step takes me closer to the goal is such an empowering feeling. I know how great I feel emotionally after a run, yet for some reason I have not been taking as much time to run as I should. I need to make more of an effort to get out more consistently and put many more miles behind me.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A strange week.

It is one of those days that I have too many thought and none of them really make much sense. Just a lot of floating emotions and ideas with no real connections. I will blame my current state on the strange week I had. It never really felt like I was able to catch up, but somehow everything got done. I know Sunday evening I will dread the start of the new week and the few things I could have gotten done today that I didn’t. Sometimes I find it best to cut your losses on a Friday and know that Monday morning you will have fresh eyes ready to take on anything.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

The original day.

Planning my wedding was an interesting experience. It had many levels of frustrations, one was a wedding date change. My then finance decided that he wanted to move up the wedding by seven months. At the time it was a great idea, we both wanted to begin our adventure together that much sooner, I have never wanted a long engagement anyway. It is so crazy to think of all the extra stress and frustration I put myself through to end up in a place I never thought I would be.

Today was the original date of the wedding. It has been an odd day. My calendar at work has whiteout covering the words “My wedding day”. The words may be hidden, but I still know they are there. Most of today I have wondered what would have happened if we hadn’t moved the wedding date. Would I be celebrating with friends and family right now? Would my future be completely different?

I continue to have so many questions about my failed relationship that I know will never have answers. Honestly, I am not sure I want to have answers, because the only one that can help solve the mysteries is the one person I hope I never see again. Besides, having answers will only create more questions to be answered.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.