The pond.

It was so wonderful to have a relaxing day today. I slept in a little longer than I had planned, but that is ok. Most of my day was spent hiking. The weather was perfect for most of the day, so I was surprised how empty the trails were. At the same time I choose to go on trails that are not as popular because they do not run along the river and falls. It is nice to be alone, but as much as I like going at my own pace on whatever trail I want, sometimes I wish someone was with me to share the experience.

I think my favorite part of the hike was when I came across a little calm pond. Everything about it looked out-of-place. The trees that surrounded it were not like most of the other trees on the trail, it really felt like I stepped through a portal into a different world. The ground was covered in moss and everything felt so still. Of course I took the opportunity to set up my hammock, relax, journal and take it all in. I was sad when I felt the weather starting to change and decided I should probably pack up and continue on before the rain started. At some point I will have to find my way back to this spot and take more time to soak in the beauty of it.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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Before I open the door.

I find myself drawn to the in-between moments more and more, the few minutes that anything feels possible. My favorite right now is right after you have driven somewhere and turned off the car, but not gotten out yet. I know it sounds silly. To me, in that moment it feels like there are endless possibilities. I could get out and go on with my day or I could sit there for just a little longer feeling safe and removed from the world around me.

In that short moment I can let my mind spiral out of control and rein it in before I open the door. Sometimes I try to drag out the in-between moment until I feel too foolish and get out of the car. My neighbors probably thought I was crazy for sitting in my car far too long a few times. In all reality, they are probably right, but at the moment it is one thing that helps me get through the day and hold myself together.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Bitter-sweet.

Time off is still a little bitter-sweet. I find myself thinking of how I would have used my vacation if we were still together. It is still so strange to remember that I am just a me. It has been a while since I caught myself in a moment that I went to messaged him something about my day. To go from talking to someone every day to silence is such an odd feeling. Whoever said that silence is deafening was dead on in their reasoning.

So far this week has been an odd in-between. The past month has been a series of ups and downs and now I am anticipating my long weekend filled with family time. So far this week I have done my best to get ahead at work so I can leave for a few days and not feel like I have left a mess for others to deal with. There are still a few loose ends I need to tie up, but in just a few days I will be on the road without a care in the world.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.