Before I open the door.

I find myself drawn to the in-between moments more and more, the few minutes that anything feels possible. My favorite right now is right after you have driven somewhere and turned off the car, but not gotten out yet. I know it sounds silly. To me, in that moment it feels like there are endless possibilities. I could get out and go on with my day or I could sit there for just a little longer feeling safe and removed from the world around me.

In that short moment I can let my mind spiral out of control and rein it in before I open the door. Sometimes I try to drag out the in-between moment until I feel too foolish and get out of the car. My neighbors probably thought I was crazy for sitting in my car far too long a few times. In all reality, they are probably right, but at the moment it is one thing that helps me get through the day and hold myself together.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Bitter-sweet.

Time off is still a little bitter-sweet. I find myself thinking of how I would have used my vacation if we were still together. It is still so strange to remember that I am just a me. It has been a while since I caught myself in a moment that I went to messaged him something about my day. To go from talking to someone every day to silence is such an odd feeling. Whoever said that silence is deafening was dead on in their reasoning.

So far this week has been an odd in-between. The past month has been a series of ups and downs and now I am anticipating my long weekend filled with family time. So far this week I have done my best to get ahead at work so I can leave for a few days and not feel like I have left a mess for others to deal with. There are still a few loose ends I need to tie up, but in just a few days I will be on the road without a care in the world.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.