I have made it a habit to write in my prayer journal every night before I go to bed. Sometimes I write a lot, sometimes not so much. Last night I wrote something that I mean with all my heart, but found it difficult to wrap my head around. I have reached a point that I am thankful for what I have been through. Not because I enjoyed a moment of it or wish to go through it again, but I now understand that my experience has given me a unique outlook on healing after loss.

A part of myself died that day, and it has been a long process to get to this point, but through ups and downs I was never alone. Doors have opened, friendships gained and experiences had that would have never been possible without me losing that part of me. True, I am still not on the other side, but the light is getting brighter and it is so full of possibilities. My experience has changed me, and I would like to think for the better.


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I wish I could always be one of those painfully cheerful people who annoy you, but at the same time you are envious for their positive outlook. Too often I feel like a miserable hobbit wandering around grumpy. I know this is a huge overstatement, but sometimes it takes a lot for it not to be true. Whenever I think I am free from some kind of negativity it seems to sorrowed me once again.

There is so much in life to be thankful for, it is important to hold on to these truths no matter the struggle. The chance to read a good book, or catch up on a TV show, eat your favorite dinner or finally be able to go to sleep at the end of a long day are simple things to look forward to. Each day is new and different with opportunities to be that cheerful person in someone’s life, maybe it is your own life that needs the cheer you create the most.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Focus on good.

A few times I saw this quote pop up in my facebook feed about bad days and it was inspiring. I will be honest, I am often annoyed by posts and re-posts on facebook, but at the same time I am sometimes very inspired by them. It is no secret that I have had some bad days, some very bad days. There were some that I had a good five minutes that I did my best to milk all day, and others that I had a horrible five that I did my best to move past.

After the first time I saw this quote I did my best to keep it in mind. I think to often we let ourselves get carried away by a bad five minutes and let it dominate everything. I wish I could give an answer to eliminate this problem, maybe it is simply human nature. No matter what the roots of it I hope the next time something bad happens you give yourself a few minutes and let the bad pass. We have all known bad days, truly horrible, awful days and survived, but that does not mean we need more of these days to prove our worth. Enjoy the good moments and let them spread, once you shift your focus you create a brand new world. A world focused on good is a world worth living in.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

My not so little cousin. 

Time flies, it is honestly insane how fast it goes. 12 years ago on Tuesday one of my little cousins was born, but I guess I can not call her little any more. She has grown into such a beautiful creative person, and I was excited to be able to celebrate her birthday today. It was a wonderful adventure and great time spent with family.

There were so many wonderful parts of the day, it is impossible to name a favorite. She was excited about each of her presents. We took a walk in the woods. I ate a peach right off the tree. We saw the pigs and chickens they are raising. She showed me her little art studio and we talked so much about this and that. Spending time with kids is simply the best.

I wish I lived closer so I could spend more time with them, but unfortunately the five hour drive is too much to make all the time. For now I can’t wait for thanksgiving to spend more time with them all.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

The “what if” game.

Busy days are the best. Today I was in the middle of multiple projects that kept me on the go all day. I was thankful to be busy, because this morning my mind was racing in so many not so positive directions. Sometimes I still get caught up in the “what if” game. What if I had only said this, or done that or been better at another thing. I always come to the same conclusion, that “what ifs” don’t matter because what happened is where I am and I would not change it even if I could.

The past months I have changed so much for the better. I am stronger, more confident and able to take on the world. Things I was too sacred to do before are becoming leaps of faith that I am taking with less hesitation. Please, understand, I am still plenty scared, but my fear tolerance has changed and now I welcome challenges in a whole new way.

How I had to get to this place in my life was not so fun, but now that I am here and am on this journey I plan to take full advantage of every benefit.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Staying positive.

There are days that staying positive is easy. When I stay busy and have things to look forward to life is good. Currently I am somewhere in between. Every time I think I have hit a balancing point, my balance is knocked off and I find myself back at the beginning. I am very good at keeping myself busy, but sometimes I feel so much pressure to get everything done that I want to that I end up sitting on the couch staring at nothing wishing I was in a more stable place in my life.

After all these months you would think I would have a better handle on things, but sometimes it still feels like everything happened yesterday and I am just as lost as ever. Maybe someday I will not feel quite so confused all the time, but for now I will do my best to keep up with myself and stay positive.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.