Resilient.

Sometimes I wonder when the memories will stop. When I go by this place or that the last thing I want to think about is a happy (or bad) time with him. I keep telling myself that at some point thoughts will stop, but I wonder if that is really true. The good thing is that many memories have been replaced by a flood of many good moments. I am thankful that I faced so many places early on refusing to allow the memories to destroy me.

The resiliency of the human spirit never ceases to amaze me. With time and faith all things are possible, unfortunately sometimes things just take a little longer than we like.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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Flashes.

Sometimes, it would be nice to shut off parts of my brain. I get tired of reliving flashes of moments. Most of them are not bad, actually quite a few are very happy, but then I remember how it all ended and wish I could simply stop thinking.

I have never been a person that wanted to relive a part of my life with the knowledge I gained from an experience, but there have been times this year I wish I could go back to early days in the relationship and stop myself from making the same mistakes again. After the fleeting thought of going back in time, I always remember that there is no way of knowing what problems might have been down other paths. Maybe this heartbreak and recovery is just what I needed to face what the future holds. Besides, even to change my path reliving that time in my life is not worth it.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Forward.

It is a strange feeling when you know that the world is moving forward around you, yet it feels like you are standing still. I am well aware that is not the case, there are many amazing things in my life that are slowly moving me forward. Still the pace feels slow. I wonder if that is always the perspective we have on our own lives. We each watch out lives slowly tick by minute by minute without fully understanding the big picture.

I often wish I could rush forward with more confidence, but I am sad to say I am still a little too wary. My prayer is that slow and steady will win the prize and the strength, courage and confidence I will slowly gain back in the process will help me win in the end.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Treading water.

Why exactly do people call it moving on. I feel like all I am doing is treading water. Some days are good and I am not struggling to breath, but other times it all too much to handle. Some days the water is so rough it takes all I can to not be swept under. Other times I am the one making it difficult to stay up. It is like I am testing my own limits and getting a little stronger and more confidant with each struggle.

I am sure in time the water will feel smooth and I will be willing to take a great leap of faith and move forward, until then I will continue this strand dance I am in with the water. Who knows, maybe someday someone will tell me to put my feet down, I’ll touch the ground and feel like a fool for struggling for nothing.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A new adventure.

Often God reassures our insecurities in ironic ways. I have toyed with moving forward with an adventure for a month or so, but in the last few weeks I feel like God has been pushing me forward from so many sides. Everything combined has given me a huge amount of confidence and I hope will lead to many exciting things. I spent most of today taking a step in the planning. There is some preparation that needs to be done and more time needs to be invested before I will say too much more.

Right now I would really appreciate prayer. I feel good about what I have done so far and I know deep down this is a path I am meant to take.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.