Flashes.

Sometimes, it would be nice to shut off parts of my brain. I get tired of reliving flashes of moments. Most of them are not bad, actually quite a few are very happy, but then I remember how it all ended and wish I could simply stop thinking.

I have never been a person that wanted to relive a part of my life with the knowledge I gained from an experience, but there have been times this year I wish I could go back to early days in the relationship and stop myself from making the same mistakes again. After the fleeting thought of going back in time, I always remember that there is no way of knowing what problems might have been down other paths. Maybe this heartbreak and recovery is just what I needed to face what the future holds. Besides, even to change my path reliving that time in my life is not worth it.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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Forward.

It is a strange feeling when you know that the world is moving forward around you, yet it feels like you are standing still. I am well aware that is not the case, there are many amazing things in my life that are slowly moving me forward. Still the pace feels slow. I wonder if that is always the perspective we have on our own lives. We each watch out lives slowly tick by minute by minute without fully understanding the big picture.

I often wish I could rush forward with more confidence, but I am sad to say I am still a little too wary. My prayer is that slow and steady will win the prize and the strength, courage and confidence I will slowly gain back in the process will help me win in the end.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Treading water.

Why exactly do people call it moving on. I feel like all I am doing is treading water. Some days are good and I am not struggling to breath, but other times it all too much to handle. Some days the water is so rough it takes all I can to not be swept under. Other times I am the one making it difficult to stay up. It is like I am testing my own limits and getting a little stronger and more confidant with each struggle.

I am sure in time the water will feel smooth and I will be willing to take a great leap of faith and move forward, until then I will continue this strand dance I am in with the water. Who knows, maybe someday someone will tell me to put my feet down, I’ll touch the ground and feel like a fool for struggling for nothing.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A new adventure.

Often God reassures our insecurities in ironic ways. I have toyed with moving forward with an adventure for a month or so, but in the last few weeks I feel like God has been pushing me forward from so many sides. Everything combined has given me a huge amount of confidence and I hope will lead to many exciting things. I spent most of today taking a step in the planning. There is some preparation that needs to be done and more time needs to be invested before I will say too much more.

Right now I would really appreciate prayer. I feel good about what I have done so far and I know deep down this is a path I am meant to take.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.