A sense of accomplishment.

As I walked out the door of my office today I did not have the overwhelming dread of the next week. It has been such a long time since I felt like I accomplished enough. The thought filled me with inspiration that pushed me to get some much-needed cleaning done at home. There is still plenty to do the rest of the weekend, bur right now I feel so content and ready to enjoy whatever the weekend holds.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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Check marks.

After months of feeling behind at work, I finally feel caught up. Maybe this weekend I can finally feel the same way about the rest of my life. I feel surrounded by small piles of disasters just waiting to happen. Unanswered letters, supplies left around, dishes that need to be done and cloths to put away. This weekend I want to turn my “maybe tomorrow” projects into things done. By the end of the weekend there will be a column of check marks and a much shorter list to be finished.

At this point, anything is possible.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

My dad the athlete.

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When my brother and I were little my dad did not have many of his sports awards out. I never remember seeing his high school or college letters as a kid, and there were not medals on wall or framed newspapers of amazing achievements. The only thing I remember was a plaque hanging in a shadowed corner from when he won, and set a record for long jump at states his junior year of high school.

Through the years we heard stories of the kind of athlete he was and how much he achieved. When I was in elementary school he was inducted into his college’s sports hall of fame and we watched him coach through the years. So a part of us knew, but it was never hung all around us like a goal we were meant to reach.

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As an adult I have seen the patches, awards and news paper clippings. While flipping through it once I asked him why he never had any of it out. His response was simple. He never wanted to put pressure on my brother and I to be athletes. He never wanted his achievements to looming over us like an unescapable shadow.

At the moment my sports awards are out and hanging proudly on the wall. I worked hard for each of my patches and pins and it is nice to be reminded what can be achieved with a little bit of skill and hard work. But someday if I have kids they will go away. I will put them in a box and store them so I am never a shadow for them to escape. After all, I know how much that meant to me.

Happy Father’s Day.

My organized disaster.

Just when I though there was hope to catch up, I am behind again. I am starting to think I need to come to terms with the fact I will never be ahead and I should simply embrace my organized disaster. Hopefully this week will be semi manageable and the coming weekend is almost wide open and will require less “drowning” and more bring adventure.

Some part of me feels like I spend more time dreading what I have to do, instead of enjoying what I am doing. I need to work on that.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A rebel.

I remember my dad telling me once that my grandma always left her alarm set on days she did not have to get up at the normal time. It struck me as a little odd as a kid because why would you want an alarm to wake you up early if you did not need it? As an adult I have a completely different perspective, it makes me feel like such a rebel to turn off my alarm and go back to sleep ignoring my normal routine.

Tomorrow, I get to do just that. I will go to bed with my normal alarm set, and when it wakes me up I will turn it off and go happily back to sleep. Sometimes it is worth having a crazy few days if it means being able to skip out on a day to catch up on things at home. Maybe I will go for a run, do a little journaling and a bit of cleaning. No matter how the day goes, it will start with me being a rebel and that is what makes it great.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Burned out.

I am completely and entirely burned out. My creativity is shot, my will power is gone, and thank goodness its Friday! Instead of doing anything I should be doing I am choosing to curl up with a book, eat homemade frozen yogurt and relax. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing, because tomorrow is a new day.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

On edge.

My cats are not happy. Three neighborhood strays dared to come up on the porch and my girls saw them through the screen door. There was hissing then some brave hiding under the bed while I chased them away. Now my cats are having their own versions of breakdowns. One has, what I like to call, worried eyes and with good reason, is walking around on eggshells. The good reason is the other cat, who has decided that anything that moves must be out to get her. She is hissing and growling at both of us. Nothing like a little world war cat to make for an interesting evening. I have every expectation that tomorrow things will be back to normal, but for right now we are living on the edge waiting for it to pass.

Whenever something bizarre like this happens it makes me evaluate my emotions. They are much more balanced, but there are still so many answers I wish I had. I think there are more battles going on inside of me then I am willing to admit even to myself. Sometimes I catch myself crying and have no clue what brought it on. Too bad the option of hiding under my bed hissing at everything that moves is not available to me, there would be a lot of days I would take it.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.