Steadfast & thankful week 6

This week was nice because I was on vacation for most of it! It was nice to have some down time and sleep in most of the week. Unfortunately, I was not as productive as I would have liked, but sometimes relaxing is the best solution.


Christi_Hiking post_journal page_3Day 34:
This summer was so full of hiking adventures and I am thankful that they recorded in my journal. It is so fun to look back at and remember beautiful summer days.

Want to read more about my hiking adventure?

img_3663Day 35:
Teaching swim lessons can be a challenge sometimes, but I am thankful for the excitement and enthusiasm of my students this year.

img_3664Day 36:
Although I had hoped
to do more than just 2 miles,
but I was thankful for not
running in the dark.

img_3691Day 37:
I am so thankful
that my Christmas
presents are
wrapped and
ready to go!

img_3695Day 38:
Being on vacation has its perks.
I was thankful to be a second
set of hands for my mom when
she needed me.

img_3719Day 39:
I am thankful for people who are equally as crazy as I am and wanted to do a Star Wars movie marathon with me. Just a few more days and we get to see the new one!

img_3730Day 40:
For once I am not
dreading Monday.
Thankfully I have
one more day of
vacation left!


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Weekend, work, vacation.

I feel like this weekend is going far too quickly, but yeah for me, I only have two days of work to get through next week. One of my goals tomorrow is to come up with a game plan for my days off. As much as I would love simply spending them camped out on the couch relaxing, I should probably do something slightly more productive. Maybe I will even come up with a prize for myself if I get everything done!

One of the first things on my list is to get Christmas cards written and out. I had hoped to have them ready to go by December 1st, but failed. I also have a few other Christmas related things that I need to do, but I am quite proud of the fact I am done with the bulk of Christmas! Although my apartment will be free of my normal Christmas tree this year (I did break down and buy a very small potted tree. It is so cute I am sure there will be a post about it later on), I do want to get some lights up in the windows and maybe a few other things to make it feel more like Christmas.

My hope is by giving myself this time off I will feel refreshed for the new year and ready to enjoy all that it holds.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Vacation time.

I think one of my biggest summer regrets is not taking time off. Beyond regular holidays I only took a day or two. In some ways it is nice because now going into December I have a nice chunk of time off, but I think it would have been good to have some time when the weather was nice. At the beginning of the year, I felt like time off would not be so good for me, it would give me too much time to think. At the time working seemed better because it was consistent and forcing me into a routine, but I wonder if I was wrong. There is no way to know for sure, just a thought that I had while enjoying my long Thanksgiving weekend.

Next year will be different. I want to have a few adventures. Spend time with family and enjoy making my own decisions about my time.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Thanksgiving memories.

The holidays have a way of bringing back memories. There was the Thanksgiving we had so much snow we went sledding, and the year we played car bingo and there was no winner (who knew the “Cane is Able” truck drivers would have the week off). So many years of cuddling with new puppies, playing with kids and laughing with family. I love looking back on the wonderful memories and I always look forward to making more each year.

The anticipation of the holidays this year is nothing like I thought they would be a year ago. Instead of thinking of all the good memories from the past I am having a difficult time over looking last year. I was engaged with the wedding months away. It was full of family excitement and the anticipation of a wonderful celebration that never was. Looking back it all feels like I was living in a lie and I had no clue.

 

Last year on Thanksgiving I took my wedding dress for my Aunt alter. This year I will simply try not to cry.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Unrealistic timetables.

Today is a day that I feel like I need to pull some inspirational words out of myself. I need something to remind me that I am stronger than the hurt that still lingers inside of me, that I have grown and changed for the good. A part of me was sure by now I would feel more confidant and healed. Ten months ago Thanksgiving and Christmas felt so far away. Now I find myself days away from Thanksgiving wondering how many more tears I will have to cry.

I know that we often set unrealistic timetables for ourselves. I know that I am capable of coming out of this tunnel so much better than I could imagine and that rushing through to the end helps nothing. Time and healing have to work their way though the process at their own pace. It is an uncontrollable truth.

Over the next month I am looking forward to so many wonderful things and I am attempting to hold on to that anticipation and not the discouragement I feel inside. Time with family and friends will give me a chance to feel encouraged and hopefully push me through this emotional slump I find myself in. Time will continue to go at its own pace, and I will continue to find my strength as I learn patience.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A light in the darkness.

There are so many things through the end of the year to look forward to. Movies and plays, time with family and friends, it should be an exciting. I am truly doing my best to stay as positive as I can, but right now I feel like I am failing. Day by day, I am struggling to find motivation. There are things that should be done, that I had planed on doing and I will make any excuse to not move.

The holidays are always difficult to get through when you feel broken, and despite my best efforts I am still not fully healed. I am hoping that currently my body and brain is taking some much-needed time to prepare for the whirl wind of the coming weeks. As much as I love my family and friends it is sometimes more difficult than I would like to admit to see them happy while I am stuck in this odd limbo. With that being said, being around them to share in their joys helps me to remember that there is light, even in the darkness.

I need to do a better job of holding onto that light.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Never will be.

I can’t help but wonder what the plan would have been for this upcoming long holiday weekend if the wedding had gone as planned. Would we have gone away? What would our relationship be like at this point? There are so many questions that will never have answers. So many times over the past few months that I have played this question game and every time I tell myself what would have been no longer matters because it never will be.

All that aside, I am so excited for the upcoming weekend. There is only one more day of work to survive and it is a much-needed mini vacation. The current plan has deviated from the original, but that is not always a bad thing. Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone is a very good thing. Overall I am just excited to have a break from the everyday and enjoy a new setting and a different kind of adventure. Lately I feel stuck in a rut, every evening I do almost the exact same thing. For the most part what I am doing is good, but I think it needs a breath of fresh air and this weekend will be amazing.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.