My dad the athlete.

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When my brother and I were little my dad did not have many of his sports awards out. I never remember seeing his high school or college letters as a kid, and there were not medals on wall or framed newspapers of amazing achievements. The only thing I remember was a plaque hanging in a shadowed corner from when he won, and set a record for long jump at states his junior year of high school.

Through the years we heard stories of the kind of athlete he was and how much he achieved. When I was in elementary school he was inducted into his college’s sports hall of fame and we watched him coach through the years. So a part of us knew, but it was never hung all around us like a goal we were meant to reach.

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As an adult I have seen the patches, awards and news paper clippings. While flipping through it once I asked him why he never had any of it out. His response was simple. He never wanted to put pressure on my brother and I to be athletes. He never wanted his achievements to looming over us like an unescapable shadow.

At the moment my sports awards are out and hanging proudly on the wall. I worked hard for each of my patches and pins and it is nice to be reminded what can be achieved with a little bit of skill and hard work. But someday if I have kids they will go away. I will put them in a box and store them so I am never a shadow for them to escape. After all, I know how much that meant to me.

Happy Father’s Day.

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Outshine.

Too often as an adult life seems like a never-ending line. We pretend like the New Year brings a clean slate, but too quickly we fall into our well established habits forsaking all resolutions and goals. What we are left with is a seemingly endless line of tomorrows that are much like the yesterdays behind us. The seasons, holidays and special occasions pass by, but these things rarely stop everything in their tracks and are usually gone before we can really enjoy them.

A part of me likes the comfort I find in knowing what tomorrow will bring. My alarm will go off, I will drag myself from bed and off to work. There might be a slight variation on the time, but each day is too much the same. I try to find something unique that will make the day stand out, but after a while most days fall back into the sea and are swallowed by the others. Too many of those that remain standing like islands on the horizon are shrouded by dark clouds.

Why is it that sad days hold firm, while the good ones disappear? It seems too easy to mark the days I would rather forget, than enjoy the happy moments of the ordinary. Maybe in time I can adjust my thoughts and let the sun outshine the clouds.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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img_5278I have two favorite “not a holiday” holidays. One is Star Wars Day (May the 4th be with you) and the other is Pi (π) day (3.14). Maybe it is a little weird to like these made up holidays, but I think any excuse to make and eat pie or watch Star Wars is worth taking. This year Pi day went great As usual my coworkers thought I was crazy, but they were more than happy to enjoy pie! By the end of the day there was nothing but crumbs left of my beautiful pi day pie, and I was glad.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

My Valentine’s Day date.

Is it weird to be thankful my friends husband was unable to go out tonight so we were each others Valentine’s Day dates? We both surprised each other with little gifts and enjoyed our movie club movie night. Over all it was the best way to spend the evening.

img_4861Every time my friends husband is unable to go to the movies it ends up being an unforgettable show, and not always in a good way. This time I was glad it was a fantastic movie. If you have never seen”Goodbye Girl” I would highly suggest it. It had all the makings of a perfect Valentine’s Day movie and is defiantly one I would love to see again.

Last Valentine’s Day was sad, this one was amazing. What more could I ask for?

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Understanding.

Maybe it is a sense of understanding that I am still subconsciously searching for, it is unknown to me. I know understanding is unnecessary and a countdown to someday is a silly thing to want. Yet here I sit typing day after day searching for some kind of magic phrase that brings it all together. Maybe far in the future I will re-read some of these posts and I will be able to tell the day that everything changed, but I doubt it works like that.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

There have been so many days that I think I am past it all, and others that I wonder. I have a feeling that the next eleven days will be a huge hurdle for me. So many times over the past year I have thought what occasions and holidays could have been, but the year mark is the one I have been dreading the most. I wish there were no more tears to cry. I wish I could shut myself down and restart when it has past, but if there is one thing I have learned above all else is that things must be faced head on. I know that I can survive this, because I have made it thought the storm.

Understanding does not bring peace, it just holds knowledge. I already have all the tools I need, I have developed them, honed them and had plenty of practice. This may not be the home stretch, but it is an important part of the race and I will come out victorious.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Birthday week.

This past week I turned 31. The anticipation of my birthday had me quite worried, and of course it was all unfounded. Thanks to my family and friends it was an incredible week. I had some fun surprises, amazing gifts and I worked extra hard last week and the beginning of this week so I could take off Thursday and Friday. All in all, I have very little I can complain about.

Tuesday morning my Aunt and Uncle had flowers sent to my office so I could enjoy them over the week. They are beautiful, colorful and smell so good. Wednesday I got to enjoy an amazing movie with friends and they gave me some fun new watercolors to play with! Thursday and Friday I was able to relax and get some chores done.

img_4522Today was the cherry on the top. I got to spend the day with friends at Strong National Museum of Play. Two of them had never gone before so it was a lot of fun to introduce them to all the fun that the museum held. We played games, visited the butterfly garden and reminisced over toys we played and books we read with over the years.

It has been years since I have been to this particular museum so it was interesting to see what had changed. Most of my old favorites were still there, but we also found a few new things to enjoy. My friends are huge gamers, so they loved playing the pinball machines and old arcade games.

For me the butterfly garden was the best part. Seeing all the flowers, green plants and colorful butterflies was wonderful this time of year when the world outside is grey. There were also so happy koi fish swimming around and a turtle basking in the fake sun. I honestly would have stayed there all day.

Last year I remember thinking after my birthday that it was going to be the best year ever, instead it was the most confusing. This year I am not sure what to expect, but I hope for wonderful adventures, and less tears.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A letter to me.

I wanted to start a new tradition for the new year. My friends and I wrote letters to ourselves to open on New Year’s Eve 2018. I made envelopes, brought paper, paper clips, wax seals, pens and my Fuji Instax camera. Each of us sat down and wrote our letters filling the pages with words to our future selves. To be honest, it was a little more difficult than I thought it would be.

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In each letter is an Instax picture of the group I welcomed the New Year in with. No matter where we are on New Year’s Eve 2018 we will have a piece of the evening we had ushering in the year. My prayer is that these letters can encourage each of us when we read them. Maybe they will serve as a reminder of forgotten goals and unfulfilled dreams.

A year is a long time, yet somehow always seems to go by quickly, so my letter is full of encouragement to seize the day. I want it to serve as a reminder of how much changes over a year. I asked my end of 2018 self some questions about the goals I set for myself. I hope knowing the letter is there will help keep me accountable, so when I read it in 365 days I can answer each question with pride at all I have accomplished.

I think it would be wonderful if these letters become a tradition for each of us. Whether we are together next year or not, I hope each person takes the time to sit down read what they wrote to themselves and they write a new one for the year to come.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.