Light.

Sometimes it feels weird to not cry every day. A part of me got used to having tears be a natural part of my life. I remember days that I would take my lunch at odd times so I could go out to my car and cry. There were months that I was nervous to talk to anyone because I was worried I would break down in front of them. Even looking at my reflection was too much because then I had to face the deadness in my eyes.

Slowly days have gotten better. I can still remember watching the color return to my face and the light come back to my eyes. I no longer felt the need to hide myself. There are so many roads I could have gone down, so many times I could have stopped moving myself forward, but I am far too stubborn for that and have far too many people encouraging me. I know I am still on this road of recovery, but the light seems so much brighter and I will continue running toward it.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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Weakness.

I have been writing an awful lot about friends lately. I like it. The people who are in my life right now are fantastic. To me, they are the definition of a kindred spirits. Historically my friendships come in waves. Often it feels like feast or famine, but currently I have reached a middle ground. I guess this is what happens when you allow others to take care of you and see your vulnerability.

For most of my life I have attempted to portray a strength and courage that I did not always posses. I have never liked feeling weak, but one of the many lessons I have learned this year is that weakness is not letting others in, it is trying to do it all on your own. Putting on an outward appearance of strength and hiding away your pain till it eats you from the inside out it true weakness. It is the people around me, my friends who over the past months that have made me truly strong. The ones that have prayed and let me cry and have simply made an effort.

True weakness is not knowing when to get help. True weakness is not helping when someone needs you. I am forever grateful to my friends, both old and new who have been there time and time again and showed me what true strength and courage is.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Favorite.

There are movies that you have seen many times in the past, but not recently. Honestly, they probably haven’t even crossed your mind in a long time. Then you watch the movie for one reason or another, and you remember what you loved so much. Why for that brief time so many years ago, it was your favorite movie and you promise yourself to never forget it again. True, this is a promise that you will probably never keep. After all there are so many favorite movies yet to be watched, but maybe someday that one movie will circle back around and remind you of the time when it was your favorite.

Sometimes I think people can have a similar quality. So often friends come and go in our lives. Although we can forget about a person or that for a time their impact on us will never truly disappear, for most, this is a wonderful thing. There were childhood friends, and high school team mates, college room mates and past relations, each person leaves an invisible mark on us that we are reminded of now and then. Just like watching a movie that was once our favorite, seeing these people can bring up a flood of emotions that reminds us of our past. Hopefully, like a good movie you watch over and over again, good friends will come into our lives and never leave.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Christmas cards.

I spent most of my evening writing Christmas cards. It was difficult to put my graduated to friends and family into words, but I did what I could. This has been such a strange year, one I will never forget, and countless people have help me through. There is no way I would be in the place I am now without the prayers, love and support I have received.

If this year has taught me anything it is that without others we are lost. Beyond that it is important to express thanks for what has been done and be ready to support those who were there for you through your struggle. I know a Christmas card is not much, but happy mail is always a good place to start.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

 

Steadfast & thankful week 6

This week was nice because I was on vacation for most of it! It was nice to have some down time and sleep in most of the week. Unfortunately, I was not as productive as I would have liked, but sometimes relaxing is the best solution.


Christi_Hiking post_journal page_3Day 34:
This summer was so full of hiking adventures and I am thankful that they recorded in my journal. It is so fun to look back at and remember beautiful summer days.

Want to read more about my hiking adventure?

img_3663Day 35:
Teaching swim lessons can be a challenge sometimes, but I am thankful for the excitement and enthusiasm of my students this year.

img_3664Day 36:
Although I had hoped
to do more than just 2 miles,
but I was thankful for not
running in the dark.

img_3691Day 37:
I am so thankful
that my Christmas
presents are
wrapped and
ready to go!

img_3695Day 38:
Being on vacation has its perks.
I was thankful to be a second
set of hands for my mom when
she needed me.

img_3719Day 39:
I am thankful for people who are equally as crazy as I am and wanted to do a Star Wars movie marathon with me. Just a few more days and we get to see the new one!

img_3730Day 40:
For once I am not
dreading Monday.
Thankfully I have
one more day of
vacation left!


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Sweet success.

In preparation for the new Star Wars movie some friends and I got together and had a Star Wars movie marathon. At the beginning there were five of us, by the end of the series there were only three left standing. We talked through most of the movies and added our own knowledge to the day. We ate delicious food and enjoyed each others company. Needless to say, it was an amazing day.

We choose to watch them in the Ernst Rister Order (Rouge One, IV, V, I, II, III, VI, VII). Personally it is my favorite way to enjoy the series because you get hooked by watching Rouge One, an amazing new addition that flows seamlessly into episode IV before continuing. This was the first time I watched the entire series since before episode VII came out and it truly is a work of art and it never ceases to amaze me how the movies were put together in such a way that they connect and circle around.

I doubt I will ever be able to say that I watched so much Star Wars in one day, so I will stand proud in the knowledge that I successfully watched the series as it stands now today and it was well worth it.

Inside jokes in the making.

Often I have found myself walking into a situation thinking that it will be one thing, then getting in the middle of it and realizing that it is something else entirely. Too many times I have been alone in these bazar moments wishing I had someone to share them with. After all, memories and inside jokes are made from unique experiences. Lucky for me, the past few times I have felt this way I was able to look beside me and see a friend sharing in the oddity of the moment and it is a wonderful feeling.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.