Race day.

img_2432Last year the Ridgewalk and Run was the first race I ran as an adult. I trained for it and worked hard to prepare myself. My then fiancé and some friends had a great day on the course and spending time with each other. This year I was not well prepared and I now have a growing pile or race bibs to prove it was not my first race. But the weather was beautiful, I still had a friend to race with and joke about our shared goal of reaching the end so we could eat.

It is crazy the difference a year can make. There are times I want to be irrationally angry, jump up and down screaming, but really what good will that do? True, without the past my life would be so very different, but that does not mean better. There are many experiences that I had because I was with him that I know make me better and will hopefully continue to be a positive thread through my life. Although it is difficult to look past all the negativity and hurt, it is always worth it because it gets me one step closer to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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First.

Tonight was movie club night! We watches “Potiche”, and it was amazing. I love being introduced to movies that I have never seen before. This film was a French movie that was based in the late 1970’s. It is about a trophy wife who finds her way off the shelf and into the heart of her community. She proves not only to herself but to her family exactly what she is capable of.

While I was at the theater I took advantage of pre-sale Star Wars tickets! Apparently, I was the first ticket they sold in the first three days they have been available. I think I will take it as a complement, instead of a statement to my insanity. I am excited to have an epic movie day with friends and watch the entire series before the main event of “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”. There may be some controversy over what order to watch the series in, but I am sure a compromise will be met.

img_2281When “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” came out two years ago I had a list of people I was buying tickets for. There was a whole group of us that went to the first showing of the movie together, it was a fun evening. This time it was just a single ticket for me, but I am still fortunate to have two friends to go with.

Sometimes, it still hits me how different many things are, yet other things remain the same. I feel so fortunate for the strong friendships I am building and that some of them are as crazy as I am. Afterall, everyone needs a little crazy in their lives.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

The Letchworth Arts & Craft Festival

Since I was in college I have gone to the Letchworth Arts & Craft Festival over Columbus Day weekend. It is an always an amazing festival full of talented people, and this year was no exception. Like all festivals it is always more fun to go with a friend. In past years I have not always been lucky enough to have someone, but this year and last I had an amazing person to wander around with.

This morning was dreary and it looked like a horrible day for an outdoor festival, but that is a rookie mistake. Not so fun weather helps to keep the crowds a little smaller and at a huge festival like this one that is important. Despite a short patch of rain we had a wonderful day and made some great purchases.

I am loving every opportunity that I have had lately to spend with friends old and new. Hopefully the friendships will be strong and encouraging to all involved. For me they have been an invaluable contribution to my life.

Now I just need to wait another 364 days for next years festival…

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A shoulder to cry on.

Sometimes the biggest leaps are made when we have a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. Although my situation is not as uncommon as I once thought, it is still not something that most people have experienced. Beyond that, each situation is vastly different, yet somehow shockingly the same. Each person who has been through an extreme break up can relate to one another because we have all felt our hearts being ripped from our chests and are at varying stages of repair.

I have said time and time again how fortunate I have been to have people in my life that have experienced something comparable to what I am recovering from. It still amazes me each time someone reaches out to share their stories, because I know they are opening up about a time in their life that they would rather not talk about. Whether a nasty divorce, a broken engagement, or being left at the altar the pain is unimaginable.

This week I hung out with a friend I have known for what seems like forever and his fiancé. At the end of the evening my friend and I talked about the pain of a loss few can understand. He went through a horrible divorce and understands the pain I feel. He told me about some of his worse days, and how the little positive things ended up being so huge in retrospect leading him down the path that lead to his now amazing fiancé.

For me everything still feels so close that I could not say what my worse day was, but one of the most difficult days was when I was teaching a swim lesson and had to watch my ex-fiancé swim in the next lane. Typically I hate crying in front of people. I want to be strong enough to handle everything, but the truth is most of the time I do not feel so strong. I am not exactly sure when the tears started flowing, but with someone who understood right there I let them all come out.

It is nice to have a friend to talk to that truly understands and can put into words emotions that I am still trying to figure out. I have faith that my worse days are behind me, but I know there are still many difficult days to come. The good thing is I know there is always someone I can talk, and seeing their strength makes me hopefully.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Exploding kittens.

This evening I went out of my comfort zone. Usually I am a home body and will come up with any excuse to not go out, but today I was determined to follow through on the plan and hang out with friends. Most of the day I was tired and all I wanted to do was go home, but I refused to let myself be the person that canceled last-minute.

Now, let me explain what I mean by “going out”, it was dinner, a movie and a game at a friend’s house. It was nothing crazy or out there, and I am so glad that I went. One of my friends I have known for a long time, we have so many teenage memories to reminisce about the conversation is never lacking. The other is a new friendship, it is slightly eerie how similar our humor is and I am enjoying the prospect of an amazing friendship. I can see us being a trio creating many memories together in the future.

Dinner was tacos, which was fitting because it is National Taco Day. The movie was “Wonder Woman” and I think we talked more than we watched. The cherry on top of the evening was the game Exploding Kittens. It is a game that is completely backward from almost every other game I have ever played and it was amazing. Most of your strategy is pure luck and somehow I won. Throughout the evening we laughed and had so much fun.

After everything I have been through I find myself valuing people who are willing to spend time with me despite the potential of spontaneous (or not so spontaneous) tears. It is also wonderful to be around people who have a comprehension of what I am going through and can lend a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear.

I am sure that I will forever be a homebody, but it is nice to have wonderful evenings like this to remind me that there is no gain without taking a step outside of your comfort zone. Not to mention taking the chance that the next card might just be an exploding kitten.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Time and faith.

There is still a strange ache somewhere inside of me. A lot of the time it creeps up and it goes unnoticed until it feels all-consuming. Today was a day like that, actually the past few weeks have been filled with these days. At the beginning an ache like this would have me crippled feeling hopeless and crying myself to sleep. Now I feel pain but am able to work through it.

Someday I wonder when it will stop, I tell myself over and over again that eventually an end must come. At this point all I have is wishful thinking and encouragement from others who have been down their own painful paths. I am constantly encouraged and grateful for their willingness to share their stories with me. They are examples of how with time and faith a happy ending is possible.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A place to start.

I haven’t done any housework this week. I have a sink full of dishes and a ton of unfolded laundry. This is a common thing, but usually it is out of laziness, this week I have been on the go every evening. Monday I did my laundry, Tuesday I had swim lessons and tonight I spent time with a friend.

As much as I love the busyness, it does not help me to get back into the routine I had put to such practice a few weeks ago. There are a few things I am ok with losing my consistency with, but others I need to find a way to re-introduce into my life. But right now, all I want to do is sleep, and I guess that is a pretty good place to start.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A trio of women.

I was feeling very lonely a while ago, but it feels like in the blink of an eye I have a people coming out of the wood work. Well, maybe that is over exaggerating a little, but I am excited none the less. I have been so very blessed by this amazing trio of women that have been making me feel so wonderful. Each I met in different ways and at different times in my life.

One is an old friendship that never truly stopped, but lately we have been communicating more and more. Thank goodness for social media! We meet long ago as teenagers and have reconnected a few times over the years, but lately I feel like we have rekindled what we once had long ago. I hope that our stream of communication continues and our friendship grows

The next is an amazing girl that I have not known for long but we were instant kindred spirits. I met her for a little over a year, and what a year it has been. In that time we both planned weddings, and fortunately hers had a wonderful outcome. We drifted apart because of busyness and uncooperative schedules, but lately we have been making plans and chatting. I am thankful to have her in my life once again.

Last but never least, is a new acquaintance that I met through a friend. She is the fiancée of a guy I feel like I have known forever. She recently moved to the area and I think she appreciates my craziness. We both have a love of movies and are creative people. We have a few things in the works and I hope we continue to build a lasting friendship.

Each of these women are so unique and bring out different strengths in me. I am so very thankful and grateful that they have come into my life and are willing to put up with me. I hope the future holds more time together, lots of conversations and more fun then we ever knew was possible.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A magical place. 

I woke up miserable today. It took pretty much all morning for me to feel human again. But even with the rough start it turned out to be a wonderful day spent with old friends and new. 

This weekend I am at ladies retreat at the campground I grew up on. There are two things I look forward to each year. The auction, and taking off Saturday for lunch and shopping with my mom and friends. It was a fun escape and way to spend time together. 

After shopping and lunch, most of the afternoon was spent watching a friend hand crochet. I have many creative talents, anything with yarn is not one of them so I was mesmerized watching her work. Somehow, I ended up walking away with a hat and matching scarf. Hopefully it will be a while before I need them, but I will be excited to wear them when the time comes. 

Camp is always a magical place. It has been great to spend time here this weekend. 

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

The Art of Film

I joined a club, even better I convinced some friends to join with me. Twice a month through June I can go to the movie theater down town and see movies. The schedule is great, most of the movies are ones I always wanted to see but never did. Almost all of them came out before I was born, or when I was far too young to see them in the theater. For example, today they showed “Singin’ in the Rain”. It was the perfect start to the list of movies, a classic to transcend the ages.

I can not wait to find new favorites, enjoy old ones and to see them all on the big screen! It will be such a great way to spend a few evenings a month. I like having happy things to look forward to!

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.