Full Circle.

More and more I feel like I have gone full circle with my life. I’m back to feeling like all I do is watch the world pass me by as I sit alone. Thankfully I have never minded being alone, but sometimes I wish someone wanted to make an effort to come along side me. That is not to say I am lacking in people who care about me, because I am surrounded by many of that kind of person. What I wish I had is someone who calls or texts out of the blue just because, or who invites me for an adventure.

I have always been excellent at fitting into the in-between. Straddling lines of my interest and being forgotten in every direction. In college I was an athlete, and an art major, two things that usually do not mix very well so I was constantly lost in the gap between them. For the most part that was where I liked to be, but when it came to certain things it was difficult to be left out. So for the most part I ended up alone.

Most of the time I enjoy not having to deal with social obligations. It is nice being able to go home after a day of work and know I have no one to impress for the rest of the evening and if I choose to have ice cream for dinner no one will judge me. On the opposite site sometimes I miss engaging conversation and making dinner to share with someone else. The social aspect of my life is something I am not sure I will ever find balance with, but that will not make me stop trying. Who knows maybe next time I will have success.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

#ISentLoveInAnEnvelope

I have a small collection of packages to send out tomorrow. Just a few things heading off to new adventures. In this day of instant email and text messages it can be fun to send things in the mail. The worst part of the process is going to the post office and standing in line. I’m a little torn over what the best part is. Hearing how the receiver feels about what you sent is always great, but it is also a lot of fun collecting and packaging up the goodies to send.

Lately, I have made a point of adding the hashtag #ISentLoveInAnEnvelope to each package. I think it is nice for all the hands that the package will go through to know that whatever is inside is special. I can not take credit for this wonderful concept or hash tag. I picked it up from Grace & Salt ink. This initiative was started to help show your friends that they are valued, bring a smile to their face and to help encourage them. The sentiment is simply beautiful, it makes me want to send out packages all the time. Afterall, getting an unexpected (or expected) package from a friend always turns a bad day to wonderful.

1 Thess’ 5:1 (ESV)
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

 


 

Read all about Grace & Salt ink’s I sent love in an envelope challenge here!

A second half.

Weeks like this make me wish I had a second half to help take up the slack. Someone to help do the dishes and to vent to after a difficult day. Someone who could make me feel more confident when I feel defeated. This week certainly had some unexpected ups and downs, but over all it could have been worse. I wish I could have gotten more done at home, but sometimes that is not what is important. Hopefully this weekend will go smoothly and give me an opportunity to get more done than expected, crazier things have happened.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Sand castle.

My heart ached today, worse than it has in months. I tried to tell myself today was just another day, but before I got out of bed I had already started crying. I did my best to pull myself together, but I felt numb all day. I remember this night six months ago. The night that was supposed to be my wedding night, but instead I cried myself to sleep. I tried to be brave and strong that day. I am so thankful I did not have to face it alone. The support I got that day and every day since has been a bigger blessing than I can express.

Sometimes I think of what I lost. I thought he was my best friend, and my confidant. I thought he would be the father of my children and we would grow old together. I thought we had a relationship that would stand the test of time. What I did not see was we were not building a strong relationship of brick and stone on solid ground. It was a sand castle waiting for a wave to come and wash it away. The wave came and left behind nothing but the sand we started with.

I don’t know what is coming next, but I stand firm that whatever it is will be amazing. In the great words of Miss. Frizzle, it is time to “take chances, make mistakes and get messy.”

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Faith to dream. 

Let me get this out of the way, the main speaker at camp sounds like James Earl Jones and he has an incredible amount of energy. 

This morning he preached about redemption and how God can turn our vices into fruits of the spirit. He ended by reminding us that we need to continue to fill ourselves up with the Holy Spirit because we constantly pour it out of ourselves and into others. Over all a very powerful message. 

The evening service was an emotional roller coaster for me. I have said before that I know God is working in my life and has a plan for me, but in order to get there I had to get stronger. Apparently God wanted to really drive that idea home for me today. The main topic was having faith to dream and follow through on the plans God has for us. 

Throughout the Bible God talks to the faithful in the form of dreams. Noah, Abraham and Joseph all learned about the plan God had for them in dreams. For the past few months God has begun to place things in my heart. I honestly can’t tell you where I am being lead, but I know a plan has been set in motion. Now it is up to me to continue to be steadfast and courageous. 

The speaker closed the message with an altar call for those who have a dream that has been laid on their hearts. I went up. I have a dream, but unfortunately it is too raw for me to put into words. In Gods time he will show me where he needs me, and will get me through each struggle along the way. 

I cried a lot today. Sometimes it is simply too hard to hold in all the emotions and it becomes overwhelming. But I am resilient, strong and courageous and with God on my side, unstoppable. 

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday. 

Parakaleo

I could not have asked for a better sermon this morning. There were a few points the pastor made that were exactly what I needed to hear. He spoke about the Body of the Church and the way it connects all Christians. In the Old Testament, God choose a nation to fulfill his calling, but in the New Testament He chose individuals from all nations who came together as the Universal Church. It was incredible to hear how eloquently the pastor described the love, care and encouragement we, as the Church should bring to each other. As a Christian, we never struggle alone.

Parakaleo, is the Greek word for encouragement, directly translated it means to come along side. For me, this is the perfect way to describe what has happened during my healing process. Since February I have been in the greatest struggle of my life, but not even for a minute have I felt alone. There has been a stream of encouragement and love that continues to pour into me from so many. People continue to come along side of me giving me exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. It is truly incredible what the Body of Christ can do and the healing it can bring about.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.