Sticks and stones.

Sometimes my mind still wanders down a path that leads to that dreaded week last February and I end up dwelling on moments I would rather forget. Conversations run through my head and I am sad to say even after all this time the hurt is overwhelming. The feelings of betrayal and abandonment come back to me, it is times like this the tears come with an unstoppable force.

Words can carry so much more weight than we often give them credit for. Unfortunately, we all use them carelessly at times. Sometimes they cut through us like a hot knife through butter, other times like a dull saw hacking us to bits. Even words that were the sweetest in the moment can sting later on when the truth is revealed.

I guess I should be thankful that these days like this are fewer and fewer as time goes by. With each wave of emotion I know I am working out the hurt that I buried deep inside of me. Hopefully in time these stinging tears will be no more, maybe some day I will never relive that week again.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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Another week.

Somehow we are at the end again. I wish I could say it was a happy week, but sadly I can not. Life is full of unexpected ups and down and unfortunately too often everything collides at the same time. You would think by now I would be used to it, but I am not sure that is possible, nor would I ever want to be used to feeling an emotional drop. I continue to be thankful for friends, family and the amazing prayer warriors that surround me.

Last Sunday it seemed like the week would be never-ending, my own version of groundhogs day. Yet here we are on the verge of another Friday and a weekend that will hopefully be full of relaxation and a little joy.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Perspective.

Thankfully I have felt more emotionally stable lately. I’m not saying all is right with the world, but I feel like maybe time has begun to be kind to me. Hearing about wedding stuff still stings and seeing happy family everywhere I look is not necessarily easy, but I think I am beginning to find a better perspective.

I try think about how wonderful it will be someday when I am in the position to enjoy planning a wedding with a happy ending and having a family of my own. Someday I want to be able to tell my kids or nieces and nephews about this time in my life and not be ashamed that I spent it being jealous of everyone around me. Hopefully I can tell them that I faced each struggle with streingth, courage and determination.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Unexpected happenings.

It has been about a week of me feeling like an over emotional mess and there are moments that it is extremely difficult to hold it all in. Many of times I have failed. Tomorrow could be a true test of the strength and courage I have gained over the past six months. I know that I can handle anything that comes my way, but sometimes I wish I there was no need to.

This week will simply be taken one step at a time and nothing more. This morning started off with a bang when I shut my foot in my car door at 5:40 a.m., not one of my more brilliant moments. After a Monday morning start like that I should have expected what the day would be like. Not that it was a horrible day, just a day of unexpected happenings, most leaning toward potential disaster. My hope is that Monday took the brunt of the week, because I could use a smooth day tomorrow with very few problems that need to be solved. Unfortunately I am sure something will happen that will push me over the edge, but I will deal with that when I get there.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.