Weakness.

I have been writing an awful lot about friends lately. I like it. The people who are in my life right now are fantastic. To me, they are the definition of a kindred spirits. Historically my friendships come in waves. Often it feels like feast or famine, but currently I have reached a middle ground. I guess this is what happens when you allow others to take care of you and see your vulnerability.

For most of my life I have attempted to portray a strength and courage that I did not always posses. I have never liked feeling weak, but one of the many lessons I have learned this year is that weakness is not letting others in, it is trying to do it all on your own. Putting on an outward appearance of strength and hiding away your pain till it eats you from the inside out it true weakness. It is the people around me, my friends who over the past months that have made me truly strong. The ones that have prayed and let me cry and have simply made an effort.

True weakness is not knowing when to get help. True weakness is not helping when someone needs you. I am forever grateful to my friends, both old and new who have been there time and time again and showed me what true strength and courage is.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Advertisements

The front door.

Is it strange that I wish there was someone in my life that walked into the front door of my apartment without knocking. Maybe that sounds a little creepy, but to me it means I am not alone. I miss having someone who knows how messy things will be once they open the door, but come in any way. Someone who will help do the dishes and cook dinner. A person to give me a hug at the end of a difficult day and let me cry into their shoulder when it all feels like too much.

I have confidence that someday I will have this and so much more. Good things take time to happen.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Christmas cards.

I spent most of my evening writing Christmas cards. It was difficult to put my graduated to friends and family into words, but I did what I could. This has been such a strange year, one I will never forget, and countless people have help me through. There is no way I would be in the place I am now without the prayers, love and support I have received.

If this year has taught me anything it is that without others we are lost. Beyond that it is important to express thanks for what has been done and be ready to support those who were there for you through your struggle. I know a Christmas card is not much, but happy mail is always a good place to start.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

 

Puzzle pieces.

I am not quite to a point where I can handle unexpected issues with a calm grace, but I think I am slowly getting there. I always know that in the end everything will be fine. My experiences over the last year tells me that one way or another things work out for the best even when we are unable to see the reasons behind the pain or frustration.

2 Corinthians 5:7
Our life is lived by faith. We do not live by what we see in front of us.

Slowly pieces fall into place and we gain confidence in our actions. Eventually we remember the things we love and run toward them. In time we find others that have similar perspectives and count ourselves lucky that we have found them. So far it has been a long year full of many life lessons and so much growth. My hope is the last bit of 2017 holds many adventures and wonderful memories. So far this has been a year I will never forget and it would be nice to end with a few more puzzle pieces in place.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Family.

There is no place like home after feeling like you have lived in a car for the past three days. True, I was lucky enough to be able to sleep most of the time. That is the benefit of only having to share the back seat with a dog or two. Sometimes, I forget what a long trip it really is to go out to Ohio and back. I have driven it a few times by myself, but usually am a passenger not paying full attention.

For me all the traveling was worth it. Seeing family was something that I really needed right now. Honestly, is there ever a time that seeing family would not be amazing? Personally, I think not. My aunts, uncles, cousins, and little cousins on all sides are so wonderful and supportive. I always wish there was more time to spend with them because over the holidays there never seems to be enough time to do everything.

No matter what struggles you are dealing with, your family is always your best support system. I hope if any of you are dealing with troubled times that you have are leaning on your family as much as I am on mine.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Unrealistic timetables.

Today is a day that I feel like I need to pull some inspirational words out of myself. I need something to remind me that I am stronger than the hurt that still lingers inside of me, that I have grown and changed for the good. A part of me was sure by now I would feel more confidant and healed. Ten months ago Thanksgiving and Christmas felt so far away. Now I find myself days away from Thanksgiving wondering how many more tears I will have to cry.

I know that we often set unrealistic timetables for ourselves. I know that I am capable of coming out of this tunnel so much better than I could imagine and that rushing through to the end helps nothing. Time and healing have to work their way though the process at their own pace. It is an uncontrollable truth.

Over the next month I am looking forward to so many wonderful things and I am attempting to hold on to that anticipation and not the discouragement I feel inside. Time with family and friends will give me a chance to feel encouraged and hopefully push me through this emotional slump I find myself in. Time will continue to go at its own pace, and I will continue to find my strength as I learn patience.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

The storm.

I am glad there are not many people I can compare situations with, but sometimes I wish I had a standard to measure my experience to.All I want to do is feel strong and confidant, yet I feel more lost and confused than ever. I wish there was a way to know that the path I am on is tested and sure. That the days are supposed start to get easier, yet somehow feel worse.

What I have learned from a few others is that it is impossible to compare stories side by side. Everyone has a different circumstance, everyone has their own situation. I just wish someone could tell me when the pain will stop. I want to sleep and feel rested. I want to stop feeling alone. I am so very tired of worrying about things I thought I would never have to worry about again. I know it will be alright, that eventually this storm I am living in will pass, I just wish I knew when.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.