Time Machine.

If it were possible to go back in time I would not want to correct a mistake. The way we overcome the struggles of our life is what makes us the person we are becoming. I would much rather visit a happy time. A bad point in my life will always be bad, attempting to fix it is a silly expectation. On the other had a high point can always be enjoyed again, if not made better.

There are so many amazing times in my life I would like to re-visit, I don’t know how I could ever pick just one. There were days spent hiking and summiting high peaks with friends. Lazy days wondering around museums. A weekend spend helping a former professor turned friend. Summers at camp when time seemed to flow differently. A birthday ruined by snow that turned into a perfect escape from reality. The first time I read my favorite book, or late nights with new friends freshman year of collage.

Not long after some of these points in my life the people who made them special disappeared. Somehow this doesn’t change the moment. Right now I am trying my best to only think of the good things, remembering past pain is not worth it at the best of times, let alone the worst. Fortunately a time machine does not exist so I do not have to make a choice as to where I would go, but that does not mean I can not revisit so many wonderful memories when I am feeling lost and alone.

The bad days may help define us, but holding onto the hopes and joys of the good days is what matters.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Happy endings.

Sometimes when I get to a sad part of a book I am re-reading I contemplate skipping to when the characters are happy. In the past I have taken this route, but lately it feels like the wrong decision. Books are meant to show us we too can overcome the impossible and concur out fears. Whether the book is fiction or nonfiction there is always a trial that must be faced and the growth that takes place to get to the happy ending is what really matters.

If it wasn’t for the pain and struggle we would never relate to characters as we read. I, for one have my favorite books that I have read more times than I care to admit. Some I am drawn to seasonally, for example in the winter I always want to read the Little House books, the last few are my favorite. Some are emotional reads that I turn to when I need to be reminded that I can get through whatever frustration or pain I am facing.

I am so thankful for the world I find in books and that they are always ready to take me on an adventure. Maybe someday the books I turn to after a love lost will no longer be needed. For now I will take hold of my beloved characters and let them remind me that even after great pain happy endings exist.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Where is my fairytale? The one where Prince Charming ended up being not so charming and leaves her after promising the world. The one that the princess finds her way through the pain to rise above to be stronger and better than ever. The one that shows there will be happiness again.

I grew up in a society that teaches girls that he will fight a dragon to save her, go door to door with a glass slipper and he will never give up. Girls are taught to look past appearances, to see the prince behind the beast, that love will conquer all. What we sometimes fail to remember is that we don’t live in the safety of a fairytale. It doesn’t always end in a happily ever after.

Don’t get me wrong, I love fairytales. I still have every hope in the world that I will find my Prince Charming. Hopefully instead of him fighting the dragon for me, we will help each other. Instead of me being the only one to look past a rough exterior, I hope he looks past my own struggles to see the best of me. Someday, I will still get my happily ever after. What can I say, I want it all.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Comfort blanket.

You know how there is that thing that you watch, eat or do during hard times. I must admit I have a few, and this time I can’t settle on a single one. I bounce between my favorite shows and movies. Some I have watched more times then I can count.

So many of my “comfort” shows I shared with him, or at least tried to. Every once and a while I get to an episode that triggers a memory that is too much for me, that is when I know it’s time to try something new.

Reading doesn’t seem to appeal to me at the moment, but I should search for a good book to get lost in. An adventure in a far off land would be sure to distract me. I would appreciate any suggestions.

I find that sitting still is never a good thing. I like to keep myself on the move. I have been slacking on my running/walking. Logging some serious miles is on my list of things to start doing. I’ve been toying with the concept of training for a half marathon, but that may be a little beyond my ambition at the moment.

Fortunately I always have my cats. I know, such a cat lady thing to say, but it’s true. They have a kind of cat-dar that zones in on me when I am particularly sad. I don’t know what I would do with out them.

Right now I’m not sure anything is supposed to take away that hole in my heart and make me feel better. At the moment I think I just need to take it all one step at a time.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.  

Knot the One.

At some point the Sunday after what I thought would be my wedding day, when I started to come to terms with what happened I did what any millennial would do. I turned to the internet. The first article I clicked on was from thoughtcatalog.com I read 10 short paragraphs by others that had gone through similar moments. No one story is ever the same, but it felt good to have that unspoken comradery with others.

knottheone-final-revisedAt the bottom of the entry was a suggested book to read. it was called Knot the One by Stacey Becker. I purchased it on impulse. It had 4.4 out of 5 stars on Amazon and the e-edition only cost $5.99 so I figured it couldn’t be too bad.

Sunday evening I read, the book is only 124 pages. I fell asleep reading it somewhere around 70 pages. The book is written by a woman who was left months away from her wedding day, I won’t lie, I was jealous. The book talked about her struggle coming to terms with her loss. How her friends and family reacted and finding a way to trust relationships again.

Monday morning I finished the book before I got out of bed. Of course she found love again, she married her childhood crush. She persevered through her devastation and found herself in a dream.  Happily married with a dog and a baby.

I honestly can’t say one way or another that the book helped. But it made me feel a little less alone, and that maybe someday I too will get my happy ending.

If anyone else knows of any great books that have helped get you through break ups please share the titles with me. 

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.