A half hour nap.

On my way home for lunch I decided that I was going to curl up and read for a bit, but I guess at some point my body confused reading with taking a half hour nap, because that is exactly what I did. Lately it does not seem to matter how much sleep I get it is never enough. I feel like I am eating pretty well, and keeping my self busy. I could be more physically active during the week, but I am not completely sedentary, yet my body and mind can not seem to agree to function at the same level.

It is like something is missing or has been forgotten. I am sure this is just a phase. Like all things it will balance out and I will feel more like me again. Maybe a new month will bring the calm I need after the insanity that has been September. Or maybe I will be chasing after this mystery piece of me for a while. Only time will bring answers.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.


The original day.

Planning my wedding was an interesting experience. It had many levels of frustrations, one was a wedding date change. My then finance decided that he wanted to move up the wedding by seven months. At the time it was a great idea, we both wanted to begin our adventure together that much sooner, I have never wanted a long engagement anyway. It is so crazy to think of all the extra stress and frustration I put myself through to end up in a place I never thought I would be.

Today was the original date of the wedding. It has been an odd day. My calendar at work has whiteout covering the words “My wedding day”. The words may be hidden, but I still know they are there. Most of today I have wondered what would have happened if we hadn’t moved the wedding date. Would I be celebrating with friends and family right now? Would my future be completely different?

I continue to have so many questions about my failed relationship that I know will never have answers. Honestly, I am not sure I want to have answers, because the only one that can help solve the mysteries is the one person I hope I never see again. Besides, having answers will only create more questions to be answered.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.