Perceived time.

Perceived time versus actual time is such a strange thing to consider. There are so many things, good and bad that feel like they happened just yesterday. In reality, yesterday was a normal, busy day at work that had nothing extraordinary about it. Sometimes I have to actually think about how much time has passed to get me to the point I am. It has been months and months, yet more often than not it really feels like it all happened yesterday.

This week flew by in a flurry of long, busy, exhausting days that were gone in a flash. I used to dread weeks passing quickly because weekends were the most difficult. Two days of empty time with no one to help fill them. Now I look forward to every weekend. A few days that I can sleep late, get things done and take off on an adventure. I still wish someone was around to help me fill the time, but unlike before the being alone does not terrify me.

Time truly is an amazing thing.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.


Little day-to-day things.

One of the most difficult parts of being alone is not having anyone around to lend a hand. There are many times I find myself wishing for help to take out the garbage, do the dishes or run the vacuum cleaner. I would even appreciate if someone would help make sure all the dishes get to the sink in the first place. Sometimes I get so caught up thinking about all the big things that will never be, and forget to remember the little day-to-day ones.

Sunday evening I try to reflect on my weekend. I think of things that could have gone better, things I should have done and things that need to get done during the week. I am proud to say that I have no dirty dishes in the sink, but everything else is a mess. Someday I will manage to have a weekend that everything gets done, and I can walk into the next week feeling confident. Sadly, this is not that week, but I have high hopes that I will be able to put myself back on track. Now, as another week is over and a new one begins I will do my best to be productive and wise with my time. Who knows, maybe this will be the week I finally catch up.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Easy to forget.

It is easy to forget what those around us are facing. We are all a little selfish and forgetful. There are days that I need to work extremely hard to remember that conversations that go on around me are not meant to cause me pain. Most times when the topic hurts the most I try to pretend it is not really happening, but every once and I while I chime in to remind people that my pain is still very real.

Some days even I forget the reality of being left at the altar. Mostly because I am still not sure what the reality is, however, I am very clear on the outcome. There are still days it is strange to be alone, days that no one texts me but my mom, days that I have to remember that some things are not what they used to be. The absolute worst are the days that I need to tell someone that my life took an unexpected twist.

As time goes by things have a way of evolving. My reactions are not the same as they used to be, remembering to taking a deep breath before answering questions is a lifesaver. Some of my emotions have dulled and others are heightened. I keep praying to reach a balancing point and I am sure when the timing is perfect some form of equilibrium will be reached. Until then I face every day hopeful and willing to take on every challenge that comes my way. After all, there is not much more I can do.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.