Packing.

I am pretty sure that my body and mind clocked out sometime yesterday because today has been a struggle. I forced myself out of bed and to work and somehow got myself through the day. Around noon I was extremely thankful for my forethought of getting so much done on Monday. The good thing is I know everything at work is in capable hands leaving me with a few worry free days off.

Packing for a vacation is the worst. Somehow I never feel ready to go. There is always something that needs to be done before I leave and the list doesn’t seem to shrink. I feel like most of the big stuff is taken care of, work, the cats, a relatively clean apartment. All that is left is things that would be beneficial like finishing up the dishes. Hopefully I walk out the door with everything I need ready and prepared for a wonderful, and much-needed time away.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Bitter-sweet.

Time off is still a little bitter-sweet. I find myself thinking of how I would have used my vacation if we were still together. It is still so strange to remember that I am just a me. It has been a while since I caught myself in a moment that I went to messaged him something about my day. To go from talking to someone every day to silence is such an odd feeling. Whoever said that silence is deafening was dead on in their reasoning.

So far this week has been an odd in-between. The past month has been a series of ups and downs and now I am anticipating my long weekend filled with family time. So far this week I have done my best to get ahead at work so I can leave for a few days and not feel like I have left a mess for others to deal with. There are still a few loose ends I need to tie up, but in just a few days I will be on the road without a care in the world.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Ready to take on the world! 

It is serendipitous that I have a short vacation planned for the end of next week, because I am in need of few days off. The past few months have been a good busy and a roller coaster of emotions. It has worn me down. I had a lot of amazing experiences teaching classes, volunteering and working on some new projects, but it is time to hit a reset button and come back fresh and ready to take on the world!

July has been a crazy month. It started out with many tears, but I feel like I hit a point of strength that I had been building up to. I am 100% sure that difficult days are not gone, but every day is truly feeling easier. For example, this weekend I was asked multiple times how my wedding was and I didn’t cry once when answering. It truly is amazing how strong you can become with time, when you use bad experiences to teach you not harden you.

I am truly looking forward to an August, full of new adventures and hopefully a lot more sleep.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

A new adventure.

Often God reassures our insecurities in ironic ways. I have toyed with moving forward with an adventure for a month or so, but in the last few weeks I feel like God has been pushing me forward from so many sides. Everything combined has given me a huge amount of confidence and I hope will lead to many exciting things. I spent most of today taking a step in the planning. There is some preparation that needs to be done and more time needs to be invested before I will say too much more.

Right now I would really appreciate prayer. I feel good about what I have done so far and I know deep down this is a path I am meant to take.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

New territory.

This morning I woke up and felt like I had entered new territory. It is amazing how one day I can feel like an emotional wreck, and the next be ready to take on whatever challenges came my way, and trust me, there were plenty of challenges. This week work has had some moments of pure frustration. I do my best to stay calm, but I am not always successful. As always tomorrow is a new day full of adventure and challenges all its own. I am hoping for more adventure and less challenge.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Sand castle.

My heart ached today, worse than it has in months. I tried to tell myself today was just another day, but before I got out of bed I had already started crying. I did my best to pull myself together, but I felt numb all day. I remember this night six months ago. The night that was supposed to be my wedding night, but instead I cried myself to sleep. I tried to be brave and strong that day. I am so thankful I did not have to face it alone. The support I got that day and every day since has been a bigger blessing than I can express.

Sometimes I think of what I lost. I thought he was my best friend, and my confidant. I thought he would be the father of my children and we would grow old together. I thought we had a relationship that would stand the test of time. What I did not see was we were not building a strong relationship of brick and stone on solid ground. It was a sand castle waiting for a wave to come and wash it away. The wave came and left behind nothing but the sand we started with.

I don’t know what is coming next, but I stand firm that whatever it is will be amazing. In the great words of Miss. Frizzle, it is time to “take chances, make mistakes and get messy.”

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Ups and downs.

How is it that the shortest weeks at work seem to be the longest. Today was an endless list of things to and somehow, they all got done. Fortunately, I took a lunch and gave myself a break from the office. I am trying to do better at stepping away for a few minutes in hopes it will help me be more productive and happier while I am at work.

There are ups and downs to every job, but at the end of the day I do my best to remember that I am doing what I love. Monday through Friday I go to a job that I thought was just a fun hobby as junior in high school. Unlike so many, I am doing what I walked into college wanting to do. I spent four years mastering my craft and continue to learn more every day. Sometimes it is important to remember the things you are proud of because it is easy to get lost in the daily grind.

Having a passion for what I do has been a huge help over the past months. Although many parts of my day-to-day is not ideal I still get to create and put the puzzle pieces together. Daily I remind myself that everyday is a stepping stone to the next adventure, whatever it may be.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday. 

Never will be.

I can’t help but wonder what the plan would have been for this upcoming long holiday weekend if the wedding had gone as planned. Would we have gone away? What would our relationship be like at this point? There are so many questions that will never have answers. So many times over the past few months that I have played this question game and every time I tell myself what would have been no longer matters because it never will be.

All that aside, I am so excited for the upcoming weekend. There is only one more day of work to survive and it is a much-needed mini vacation. The current plan has deviated from the original, but that is not always a bad thing. Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone is a very good thing. Overall I am just excited to have a break from the everyday and enjoy a new setting and a different kind of adventure. Lately I feel stuck in a rut, every evening I do almost the exact same thing. For the most part what I am doing is good, but I think it needs a breath of fresh air and this weekend will be amazing.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.