Full Circle.

More and more I feel like I have gone full circle with my life. I’m back to feeling like all I do is watch the world pass me by as I sit alone. Thankfully I have never minded being alone, but sometimes I wish someone wanted to make an effort to come along side me. That is not to say I am lacking in people who care about me, because I am surrounded by many of that kind of person. What I wish I had is someone who calls or texts out of the blue just because, or who invites me for an adventure.

I have always been excellent at fitting into the in-between. Straddling lines of my interest and being forgotten in every direction. In college I was an athlete, and an art major, two things that usually do not mix very well so I was constantly lost in the gap between them. For the most part that was where I liked to be, but when it came to certain things it was difficult to be left out. So for the most part I ended up alone.

Most of the time I enjoy not having to deal with social obligations. It is nice being able to go home after a day of work and know I have no one to impress for the rest of the evening and if I choose to have ice cream for dinner no one will judge me. On the opposite site sometimes I miss engaging conversation and making dinner to share with someone else. The social aspect of my life is something I am not sure I will ever find balance with, but that will not make me stop trying. Who knows maybe next time I will have success.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Home again.

Coming home after a long weekend is bitter-sweet. I am so happy to know I will sleep in my own bed tonight, but at the same time I will miss being in a different place and having new adventures. The past few days have really messed with my sleep schedule, I was up far to late every day and managed to sleep most of the way home today. I am sure that Monday morning will be here before I know it, and I am not ready.

My vacation was not what I had anticipated it being when I first took the time off, but that does not mean it was bad. I got to see the school where my sister-in-law works, we did a little bit of shopping and walked up and down who knows how many stairs. While there my brother and sister-in-law moved and I am glad that we were there to help. Fortunately there were movers for the heavy lifting and an elevator to prevent them from so many trips up and down stairs.

Sometimes unexpected things turnout the best in the long run, this is something I am slowly finding out from my own experiences. I will have to plan another trip to see them so I can venture out to attractions close to the school, see their apartment unpacked and put together and maybe see the school full of kids in all its glory.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Buying new shoes is scary. 

I tried on so many shoes today.  It was horrible, but worth it. We went to the outlet mall close to where my brother lives and every shoe store was ridiculously busy. My dad and I were dodging and weaving as we grabbed shoes from the racks. I have no clue how many shoes I looked at but I walked away with three pairs. Two for running and one for work. 

Although I have walked so much this weekend and went for a decent run yesterday, I still had to test out a pair of my new shoes. It was just a short run, but I was excited I finished with minimal foot pain. After my last new running shoe fiasco it was great to finish and have my feet feel great. Time will tell, but I see some long runs in my new shoes in the near future!

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Forth floor walk up. 

Today my family spent the day moving my brother and sister-in-law into their new fancy apartment. Thankfully there were movers to do the heavy lifting, but that does not mean we didn’t work hard. The new apartment is on the 4th and 5th floor of a dorm, although there is an elevator we mostly took the stairs. Up and down we went a few times through the day. 
At the end of the move, a little bit of shopping and dinner I decided I wanted to go for a short run. I was thinking a mile and a half or so, well, I ended up doing an even 3 miles. That three mile run may have been a bit much for today, but really I’ve been taking it far too easy so maybe it was just what I needed. 

Boy will I sleep well tonight… and most likely wake up very sore. 

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Packing.

I am pretty sure that my body and mind clocked out sometime yesterday because today has been a struggle. I forced myself out of bed and to work and somehow got myself through the day. Around noon I was extremely thankful for my forethought of getting so much done on Monday. The good thing is I know everything at work is in capable hands leaving me with a few worry free days off.

Packing for a vacation is the worst. Somehow I never feel ready to go. There is always something that needs to be done before I leave and the list doesn’t seem to shrink. I feel like most of the big stuff is taken care of, work, the cats, a relatively clean apartment. All that is left is things that would be beneficial like finishing up the dishes. Hopefully I walk out the door with everything I need ready and prepared for a wonderful, and much-needed time away.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Bitter-sweet.

Time off is still a little bitter-sweet. I find myself thinking of how I would have used my vacation if we were still together. It is still so strange to remember that I am just a me. It has been a while since I caught myself in a moment that I went to messaged him something about my day. To go from talking to someone every day to silence is such an odd feeling. Whoever said that silence is deafening was dead on in their reasoning.

So far this week has been an odd in-between. The past month has been a series of ups and downs and now I am anticipating my long weekend filled with family time. So far this week I have done my best to get ahead at work so I can leave for a few days and not feel like I have left a mess for others to deal with. There are still a few loose ends I need to tie up, but in just a few days I will be on the road without a care in the world.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

So much left to learn.

A few months ago I got a new pair of running shoes. I was so excited to break them in and start putting some miles on them, unfortunately they kill my feet. I have tried to run in them a few times and it always ended badly. I already have an old foot injury that flares up if I am not careful and these shoes are almost an instant trigger.

My goal today was to run approximately 3 miles. In reality I wanted to teleport home when I was barely a mile into my run. I pushed through and ran two miles but ended up walking a little over a half mile at the end. It is so frustrating when you are trying to achieve even a simple goal and are unable to succeed.

Hopefully later this week I will have more success with a run. Lately working out is something that I have not made enough time for, and that needs to change. Sometimes I get so caught up in one thing or another that I forget the importance of balance. Every time I think I have it all figured out, I realize that I really have so much left to learn.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Ready to take on the world! 

It is serendipitous that I have a short vacation planned for the end of next week, because I am in need of few days off. The past few months have been a good busy and a roller coaster of emotions. It has worn me down. I had a lot of amazing experiences teaching classes, volunteering and working on some new projects, but it is time to hit a reset button and come back fresh and ready to take on the world!

July has been a crazy month. It started out with many tears, but I feel like I hit a point of strength that I had been building up to. I am 100% sure that difficult days are not gone, but every day is truly feeling easier. For example, this weekend I was asked multiple times how my wedding was and I didn’t cry once when answering. It truly is amazing how strong you can become with time, when you use bad experiences to teach you not harden you.

I am truly looking forward to an August, full of new adventures and hopefully a lot more sleep.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

Opened doors.

Whenever I thought about being a teacher someday I always figured it would have something to do with art. So I have been pleasantly surprised with how much I am enjoying teaching Red Cross classes. It is so rewarding to pass on lifesaving skills to others. Over the past few months I have taught 3 lifeguard classes totaling about 40 students and today, a CPR class for 6 future nursing students.

img_0616If the wedding had gone as planned I don’t think I ever would have pursued getting my Lifeguard Instructor Certification and none of this would have been possible. I really count it as one of many doors God opened to show me my streingth and give me confidance. I hope I will be able to continue passing on my knowlage and help others achieve their goals for many years to come. As an instructor there is no greater pleasure than seeing your students pass and feel confidant in their skills.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.