Hiking was supposed to be my escape, instead almost every time something circles back around to marriage and weddings. One time I ended up taking pictures of a guy proposing, it was very sweet, but it was so difficult to hold it together. Even better, it was at the same place we got engagement pictures taken. As I walked away from them it was difficult to hold back the tears.
Today at the end of my hike there was a wedding about to start. The bride was wearing a dress almost exactly like mine, which is crazy because I did not have a typical wedding dress. Her hair was similar to what I had planned on doing and the brides maids were wearing a color very much like one of mine. Needless to say, I got out of there as fast as I could before I could notice anything else.
I have no clue how I keep walking into these situations. I expect it at work, one of my co-workers is getting married this fall, but seriously, on a hike when I am trying to escape reality for just a little while. Honestly, I am a hopeless romantic. It is great seeing people happy in their coupling, everyone deserves their happily ever after. What hurts the most is being reminded that what I thought I had, turned into a lie.
Maybe someday I will get over the sting caused by other people’s happiness. I try so hard to not be jealous, but sometimes I can not help it. Everyday it gets easier. Every time I see a happy moment I do my best to put it in perspective, and remember that someday maybe that happy moment will be mine. For now I take everything in stride and remember that I am still being made better and stronger.
Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.