I have a theory of threes. The third day after a vacation is always the hardest, the third week of jet lag hurts the most and I am finding a similar difficulty as I come up on my third month of being alone. The past week I have been in a very strange mood. Much more emotional than I have been for a while. It has become difficult to spend time alone, yet all I want to be is by myself.
This is not how I want to feel right now. I want to feel strong and empowered, instead all I feel is the scar the hole left behind. In some way I feel trapped in my body. Part of me knows I am better than how I feel, the rest of me would rather wallow. Unfortunately, at the moment the wallowing is winning, but the strong side is putting up a good fight. This relapse will not hold me down for long. I will push through this feeling until it is a thing of the past.
Strength does not come over night. You can not rush through the pain and know what needs to be learned. Every day that goes by pulls me closer to a better me. I wish recovery from heartbreak came with a personalized manual that you could look ahead and see what was next. Such a thing does not exist. What I do have is faith that I can get through the tough times so I can enjoy the good times. Every day is a new chance to get stronger and learn more.
Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.