Side step.

It feels like it has been weeks of not being consumed by thoughts of him, but for some reason the past few days things keep creeping in. Random thoughts and even an ironic conversation at the pool that looped back to him keep moving him back to the center. More times than I can count I have felt like bursting into spontaneous tears the past few days. I am tired of crying.

Each time I hit a new cluster of pain it is different, like a virus that has become immune to the last type of antibiotics. I keep thinking it will get easier, but I’m starting to wonder if that is really true. I know I am getting stronger, more empowered. I know I am healing, I just wish healing didn’t mean random bursts of pain.

Tomorrow will be easier, and the next will be better. Short term side steps and moving slightly backward is to be expected. I just can not lose sight of the long-term goal of moving forward and becoming the best person I can be.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

 

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