Somedays the words flow easily, other times my head is so full of things it can’t settle on a single idea. Today is a little bit of a floaty day, I have been sick which always makes cohesive thoughts difficult and writing a little bit fuzzy.
At the beginning of this unfortunate adventure I was writing, or at least outlining two or three posts a day. There was so much pain coming from so many places the words flowed without stopping. Now the pain feels targeted and inconsistent. Most of the time I prefer to look past the hurt and focus on other things. However, this does not always work.
Once I sit down to write and the words start to come they don’t always make sense. Sometimes I am not sure what the point will end up being. I end up writing and re-writing until something makes sense. Honestly, I am not sure the point really matters. After all, the last 50+ posts have not been to change the world. The goal has been to help me heal and process my feelings.
This is simply a place that I can be honest with myself and share my journey with those who care. I hope someday this can become a happy place full of wonderful thoughts and no pain. At the moment this is where I bottle up all my hurt so I can smile and hold in tears the rest of the time. When I write, there are always tears.
Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.