No matter the break up, there is always the most dreaded moment. The first encounter. You pretend like you can control when or where it will happen. You hope for the best possible situation, or for it to never happen at all. Sadly, one day, when you lease expect it there he will be. It happened.
Personally, I was hoping for the grocery store, or on the opposite side of the street. Somewhere I wouldn’t have to watch him and feel cornered. I wanted to be able to turn around and go the other direction, to hide in the organic food section till the coast was clear. Unfortunately, that is nothing like what I had to face.
My schedule has changed very little in the past six months. I have swim lessons every Tuesday evening. Whether intentional or not in he walked with a half hour left in my swim lesson. I almost fell over. All my plans of turning around and not having to be around him floated away. I kept teaching, and he went back and forth, and back and forth.
Like so many other parts of my recovery, God put me in the best possible situation to face the worst situation imaginable. I stood my ground and stayed steady. I have two 6th grade girls in the class and we were working on starts. Neither knew I felt like a knife had been thrust into my chest. One of the girls got me laughing. It was the kind of laugh that no sound comes out because you are laughing so hard. It was a perfect way for me to gain the strength to make it through the rest of the class and change my perspective.
After a while they realized that he was in the pool, they had met him before. I hated to tell them that sometimes life doesn’t go like you plan. I hated showing these two young girls that sometimes love is not what it seems to be and sometimes ends in pain. I hope I also showed them that no matter what happens to be strong, to stand up and face any challenge that comes your way. To not let anything stop you from being the person you are, but let everything make you better.
I can not say there will not be another encounter, but the first one is over and I survived.
Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.