Surprisingly not bitter. 

People have been so wonderful letting me talk though my feelings. I can’t express how thankful I am to have such amazing people in my life.

During a recent conversation I was attempting to articulate my emotions in a single word. I shocked myself that “bitter” was not the first word out of my mouth. Because, I am not bitter. What I was, and continue to be is disappointed.

All I could think about was the time, the stress, the sacrifice, the loss. Months of figuring out how to make my dream a reality. Hours of shopping, planning, making. So much stress that filled my life. At the time it was all for a porpoise, I wanted everything to be perfect.

Instead I watched it all crumbled before me. The life we had talked about, the wedding we had planned. All the potential, all the trust and love was gone leaving me empty and disappointed.

In some ways I’m still shocked. Sometimes it feels like I slipped into an alternate universe, and I’m not sure how to get back again. If I could get back I don’t think I would want to. The surreal world that I have been living in has started to find focus again. There is still plenty left for me to figure out, but I know I can do it. Even better, I know I don’t have to do it alone.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.

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