Not happy, but getting there.

I don’t think that happy is the best way to describe how I feel, but I am starting to feel a level of contentment.

I’m sure the sweeping moments of heart break will be around for a while. It’s still strange not to contact him, to not have him tell me good night, to not cook and eat with him, and I miss random text messages through the day.

Eventually I will stop thinking of how many days since my almost wedding. I will stop wishing for the plans that we made. The adventures we were going to have, the life we were going to live, the children we talked about having.

The thing that keeps me going is the feeling that I will find a truer relationship. I will find someone who trusts in what we have beyond what anyone else says or thinks. A person who is there for me as much as I am there for him. A person who will really want the adventures with me, to have children with me and to live a life with me.

My future relationship will be a team mate. Someone that we build each other up. Someone that is stronger because of me, and I am stronger because of them.

These are all things that I thought I had, I never knew I could be so wrong.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.  


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