Left at the altar.

img_0061This is supposed to be a very different picture, but that does not mean it is not perfect.

Two days ago was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Instead it collapsed into a day of pain. I thought I was going to marry the man of my dreams surrounded by friends and family. Instead I found my friends and family supporting me on a day I was feeling things no one should have to feel.

People who spent hours with me on Friday decorating and organizing for the wedding, disassembled everything in record time Saturday morning while I was catatonic. Kids that were excited to be a part of my big day, ended up taking care of me (it is hard to say “I’m not hungry” to a talkative five year old girl who fills your plate).

I wish so very much the day had gone as planned. I wish my ex-fiancé had chosen me over anything else. I wish I didn’t feel like there was a giant black hole consuming my insides.

Beyond all my wishes, I have never been more thankful for the amazing family and friends that I have. People who simply let me burst into tears at any moment. Everyone gave me understanding hugs and confidence that it will get better.

More than anything I am thankful for five little kids that gave me unforgettable memories, made me smile, eat and laugh despite everything.

Tomorrow will be a little bit easier and I will become a stronger me everyday.  

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4 thoughts on “Left at the altar.

  1. Christi…there are not words, but for you. Your bravery in the face of this…your grace… I will be praying you through this hard time. So sorry that you are having to go through this. God can, and will, redeem this.

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  2. Pingback: This is not a movie. | a stronger me everyday

  3. Pingback: 200 days. | a stronger me everyday

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